The Fault Lies In The Stars

Read an essay today on the amount of anger present in Europe regarding the US waging war in Iraq. Understandably, Europeans have seen more than their share of warfare since time immemorial, but anger over Iraq initially puzzled me.

Each nation has its own identity usually drawn from several generations of peace, war and internecine violence. Some, however, reach a stage where the identity becomes opaque and internal acts (usually violence) are necessary to clarify. Germany, for example, went through a horrific experience during the Nazi period and for the most part, has reached atonement for national actions. Seemingly, atonement is the key to finding some type of national identity compromise.

Our nation, beautiful as it is, has never found atonement for the Native American extermination, the minority experience, Vietnam and lastly, Iraq among others. Some presidents have ventured forth with partial apologies or rolled back the national archives for academicians to research. For the most part, we hide our heads in the sand and pretend none of it occurred.

Bill O'Reilly would rather deny the plight of Veteran homelessness (reaching nearly 200,000 nightly) than have an earnest discussion of plausible solutions. The Veterans Administration denied vehemently effects of chemical contamination in Vietnam, chemical/biological and nuclear (depleted uranium) related illnesses during Desert Storm and now, in conjunction with the Army, stymied mental health treatment for Iraqi/Afghani Vets.

We have to ask ourselves what type of nation denies humanitarian treatment for not only those inflicted upon, but the very US troops fulfilling the military mission. What have we become when the PR spin is more important than treating those who pay the cost of military actions.

Our nation has not come to terms with the Native American or minority experience; refuse to look Vietnam in the eye though some fine historians and monographs have been produced; and are reluctant to admit the Iraq conflict was preemptive based upon manufactured falsehoods. More so, we refuse to contemplate the number of dead Iraqis or Afghani civilians killed by our military or Blackwater.

Why, then, do disabled GIs have to suffer for a flaw in our national psyche? Probably for the same reason, Bill O'Reilly, George W. Bush Jr, etc., live in a fantasy world where everything is the way they say it is. No one really challenges and if they do, the rough and tough O'Reilly or President Bush is there to intimidate. Americans do not like the truth until it is force fed to them and then they are mad as hell.

Ask these questions of our presidential candidates and see their response. It's about time, but remember the fault lies not in the stars, but in ourselves.

The John McCain Spin

Well, well, well......the politicos are rolling and as usual, the people take back seat. Fred and Rudy have withdrawn and John McCain seems to be the Republican frontrunner. John McCain, the alcohol industry's best friend and avoider of anything resembling a Vietnam Vet is trying to convince us he is the man!!!

Those of us in Arizona realize McCain came to this state as a carpetbagger merely to be elected to the House of Representatives. He quickly became best friends with Charles Keating Jr., CEO, American Continental Corporation, until he was convicted of fraud, et.al., and then John backtracked very fast; discounting all those free vacations, et. al. Much effort was exerted sanitizing McCain from the Keating Five affair, but there were more serious issues.

McCain ignored Vietnam Veterans and their numerous plights to a degree many VietVets came to wonder what he was frightened of. Speaking from my own experience, the erstwhile now Senator almost preferred to steer clear of Vietnam Veteran issues as much as he did Vietnam Vets themselves. It was not uncommon to enter his Tucson office, find no one to greet us and even if so, end up waiting awhile to see a staff member. Forget about seeing McCain himself as broken appointments were his mainstay. He liked the hero mantle, but living up to it was difficult indeed since many of us saw through it; and came to openly question his sincerity and honesty. The conclusion was arrived that John McCain had been given things too easily as a result of his Silver Spoon status and was terrified of questioning Vietnam Vets destroying his self conceived legend. Symbolic of McCain was his Tucson Office Veterans Rep attending a community homeless meeting and openly discussing which country club had the better golf course. So much for caring about your brother and sister....I was there when it occurred. By the way, McCain has voted against Veterans bills 27 times indicating he is no friend much less advocate for those who serve.

John McCain's father was a Navy Admiral and of course, John enjoyed the privileges commensurate with being the offspring. In fact, he crashed aircraft during Navy flight training (2) who normally meant being hacked (cut) from the program. He wasn't (surprise!!) and even after being taken prisoner by the North Vietnamese, still enjoyed privileges. John was injured and while other Americans suffered, accepted a surgeon flown in from Moscow to operate on him and him alone. His operation and recuperation was in a Hanoi Officers Hospital....not the run of the mill enlisted shack. Never mind about the obvious violation of the Code of Conduct and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Apparently, he is afraid of those instances of him volunteering for propaganda radio broadcasts to the south (copies are available on the web) and narrating similar movies. Major, major violations of conduct, but he was an Admiral's son. There are other stories emanating from Hanoi Hilton inmates about McCain, but John avoids discussion. He is definitely afraid some of those former Prisoners of War may open up and sink the legend in his own mind war saga. In fact, he even went so far as to introduce a bill signed into law forbidding public access into prisoner of war records. By the way, McCain admits in his autobiography to giving the enemy military information, but no investigation much less an indictment followed.

McCain zealously denies the existence of any living prisoners of war following the end of hostilities. Again, he went so far as to attack POW advocates including being publicly rude and abrasive to Eleanor Apodaca, sister of a MIA-POW, during her testimony to a senate hearing in which he wasn't even invited. He went to Hanoi several times espousing the No POW line and the only memorable moment was hugging his former North Vietnamese captor.

John divorced one wife while she was ill and married the Beer King of Phoenix's daughter, Cindy Hensley. All his talk about not adhering to PACs seems rather transparent when one examines his record with the alcohol industry. Meanwhile, Cindy became addicted to prescription narcotics while head of a nonprofit, The American Voluntary Medical Team, which supplied these meds to needy children. She ended up in dire trouble with the law for not only pilfering narcotics out of the AVMT's coffers, but also for forging prescriptions in her employees' names. John soft-soaped the entire issue knowing very few would probably remember it in the future. A deal was made with the US Attorney to limit punishment to financial restitution and drug rehab entry. Meanwhile, those less fortunate would have been chastised and then served jail time. By the way, there is no evidence Cyndy ever went to rehab. It pays to be the Son of An Admiral's spouse.

What better example of McCain flip-flopping than the trashing he took during the 2000 South Carolina primaries by George W. Bush and Turdblossom. Instead of standing up to those leveling accusations about his military career and adopted daughter, McCain caved in. He learned to love his President and hoped everyone would be charmed by his outward show of affection. John McCain is not tough minded; he is confused.

John McCain is captivated by his demons and has earned the discomfort of Arizona voters by forsaking his senatorial duties during the recent presidential bid. His voting record is atrocious due to absences and flip-flopping seems to be his notoriety. Undoubtedly, he wants to be president to avoid the possibility of being voted out of office this next election. Its that serious!!

Should he be President? Judge the record for yourself, but demand full accountability for his past actions. Scrutinize his personal and professional life carefully.....beneath that veneer is another spoiled silver spoon boy whose father resurrected him continually after career demise....sound familiar?

The Real News

Carrot Top claims he is the love child from a liaison between Rush Limbaugh and Diana Ross.

The presidential campaign became more intense today when John McCain notified everyone he recently discovered Vietnam Veterans that returned from the war. Overcome with amazement, McCain claims he never knew that many existed.

Also presidential candidate Mike Huckabee declared God began talking to him without notice and he was tempted to file a restraining order at first. An aide suggested a dialogue be started and Huckabee has been talking to air since. Mrs. Huckabee states her husband can have as much time as possible conversing with the deity since otherwise it would cut into her shopping time.

Madonna is sporting a puffy darkened left eye area and uses shades to cover the injury. No explanation yet for the injury, but inside sources cite a collision between her and her ego as the culprit.

George H.W. Bush, President In A Bubble's Reluctant Father, announced yesterday he will jump off a new naval ship to be named after him. The new vessel, the USS October Surprise, remembers the hefty contribution George gave the American hostages in Iran during the 1979 internment. He, as you may recall, negotiated with the Iranians to hold the hostages until after the election and then Ron Reagan would float big benefits to them. This was indeed done and the hotel bill was paid prior to their release. George only hopes there is enough air for his parachute to open.

Ann Coulter, former brain cell recipient, stated American Army military bases should be named after US officers only and NOT of fantasy. She was upset when the name Fort Bliss appeared in front of her right eye and swore another like this, say Fort Rapture of Camp Ectasy, would never occur in her lifetime. She is teaming up with Phyllis Schafly, former gadfly, to pressure Congress into enacting a Clean Fort Naming Bill. You go gettem, Big Ann!!

Brittany Spears appeared for her deposition and remained in a chair for nearly two hours. Not much of the scrutiny was revealed, but inside sources said she left with the bailiff!

That other bsit! girl, Lindsay Lohan, was capture on video New Years Eve downing some bubbly from even a bottle. Her probation prohibits such and friends stated she immediately called her twelve step alcohol sponsor, Jack Daniels, to report her offense. Keep it straight, Lindsay!!

Heath Ledger died yesterday.....Rest In Peace and thank you for the brilliant light your star gave all of us!

George Bush Jr. put forth the idea of an economic stimulus to jump start the economy just as soon as he learns the meaning of stimulus. Its over two syllables and difficult to understand.

Dick Cheney, The Indivisible Man, has not been seen for weeks, but there isn't that much concern. Pundits claim Cheney has been water boarding with friends at various overseas prisons he and President In A Bubble established. He is definitely a man who wants all the experience to be found except for the draft, of course,...gee, that was only 5 exemptions he got..and of course, it wasn't one of his priorities.

Till next demented time........

O'Reilly Sucks Again

Sapo (Spacious and Perverted One) is making news again, but not in the positive frame. Bill, as you know, is a legend in his own mind and simply cannot understand why everyone does not see him that way-divine!

• The first involves Sapo attempting to move a Obama employee out of his camera's way through tough talk, name calling and finally physicality. Of course, he immediately went to the air waves to give his side of the story, but unfortunately, the recorded tape told it the way it was. Sapo strikes out in the truth box again and his halo is a bit dimmer

• Sapo took a shot as disabled and homeless Veterans as well with a pointed jab at the John Edwards campaign. Naturally, Sapo is a self declared expert since he immediately went to England to avoid the draft after spending time at Marist University. Ironically, he graduated from a Catholic high school at the height of the Vietnam War (1968), enrolled at Marist and then went to England at the same time as Bill Clinton. Sapo didn't return until he was safe and secure from the draft, but is an expert on anything to do with Veterans-duhhhhhhh! By the way, he peddles out the old bad knee theory whenever anyone asks why he wasn't drafted. He talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk.

• Sapo also had a problem with a high schooler phoned during the show who corrected his American history. Bill quoted from the Declaration of Independence, but claimed the Constitution as source. The young lady pointed this out to the Bold One, but Bill would not, could not, can't, whatever, acknowledge his error. Its hard to admit fault when you are divine!

So, what does one concede concerning Sapo.....uhmmmmm, I'm thinking.....okay, got it!

Methinks the audacious one is full of it from his pointy little head to his draft evading feet. Sapo is so convinced of his greatness that the next step, santification, has already been met. Being larger than life means one does not need to piddle with life's smaller problems-you just buy your way out of them! It worked for George W. Bush, Dan Quayle, Tom DeLay, Paris Hilton and many others. Sapo's problem, however, is he doesn't know how to keep quiet being so intent on blowing his own horn continuously.

This writer possesses a preference for Sapo to just fade away into the methane gas he creates and retire to raising earthworms instead. He would still be working in the dirt and would at least retain some satisfaction.

Common Sense

Presidential politics is among us and the only consistent commonality with the candidates is the total lack of common sense. The wax figures stand in front of the camera, create sound bytes, occasionally snipe at each other and then run to their campaign managers offstage for better hints to influence voters. What would be nice for a change is someone to admit they are campaigning for the American people with that body's consent to hold office of the people; and not for corporations, special lobby groups, past political hacks and influential foreign powers.

Think of it this way:

a. Illegal immigration-millions of dollars have been spent on the Mexican border in the past three decades--why isn't it working? Why hasn't this administration enforced the immigration laws particularly undocumented workers in certain industries. Simply put-special lobby groups representing the agricultural, defense and other corporations contributed significant amounts of cash into the Bush Campaign. Better for the White House and others to scream about rather than taken an objective approach to enforcing the laws, creating more intelligent foreign policy and pointing out we also have a Canadian border. Wonder how many illegals cross there?

b. The Economy-remember those heady Reagan days in the first tour when he spent with abandon calling it Supply Side Economics and then suddenly realized there was a problem during the second time around. This quasi-Republican president has went above and beyond the call of duty to spend, spend, spend; and loosen the reins of regulation permitting, i.e. the housing industry to propagate sub prime lenders when now are teetering if not already fallen. The credit industry is a mess; housing starts are at an all time low; and economists keep whispering that word "recession" which was originally depression. The Euro has replaced the dollar since it is significantly stronger and other nations have more faith in it.

c. Iraq-The whole situation has confused more Americans than the introduction of New Coke replacing Coke Classic a few years ago. Desperate Housewives could not conceive a more twisted scenario than this being acted out daily with the loss of lives on all sides. Where is the beacon of truth to simply say: how the helll did we get here and how do we get out? The best example is simply this: you are knee deep in alligators biting at you continuously and suddenly you remember your initial objective was to drain the swamp! Lies led us into Iraq and the truth is needed to lead us out.

d. Education-No Child Left Behind should be relabeled Every Child Left Behind. Bush's signal legislation created more accountability, but only for pencil pushers in DC who skew the statistics trying to make the law look good. This administration did not fund states for all the new demands, as promised, and the result is simply teaching students to take the test instead of educating for a lifetime. Teachers are flooding out of the profession since their already overburdened responsibilities were doubled and no pay increase was in sight. Bottom line-the neocons couldn't have done a better job to undermine public education than this. Time to not renew the law and let educators teach.

e. Integrity, Credibility, Honesty, Values.....don't believe this crap about family values. Those who use it as a rally point are doing just that. How can a politician be for family values and not feel the demise of our national integrity with Åbu Ghraib and torture. How can you let an Administration lie us into a preemptive war with Iraq and then not hold them accountable for their actions? America needs to wake up and understand those who currently lead are only interested in this-DOLLARS-and not the sanctity of the American people nor our nation. Certainly not our GIs and Veterans whose healthcare is being disregarded faster than a look of honesty in a politician. How many more Walter Reeds?

Simple way to converse with any elected or appointed official-who,what,why,where,when and then ask if they will place whatever being discussed in writing over their signature. Most won't which only signifies their word is more valueless than teats on a boar.

Time for a ballot box revolution, People, and usher the bums to the door!!

Tears In The Mist

Many are shaken by manner in which Benazir Bhutto met her untimely demise. Ms. Bhutto was a highly educated intellectual who had twice led Pakistan and was seeking a coalition government from the current ruling party. She was fully aware of the danger her high exposure posed to her life, but was willing to continue regardless for a higher purpose-her country. Much disinformation was disseminated over the cause of her death, but It now appears at least three bullets were fired striking her fatally.

The US Government has poured millions into Pakistan which openly admits a massive corruption problem. The issue here is not to chastise an seemingly inept Bush Administration for failing to properly account for these funds, but for ignoring the vision which Ms. Bhutto was propagating. History is rife with those who paid the ultimate price for their principles. These men and women looked beyond the black/white perception our current administration, as well as others, is hopelessly immersed in and proclaimed the beautiful colors to be realized by rising above the gridlock. Ms. Bhutto was looking at a Pakistan the way she wanted it to be and not the way it was regardless of the peril to her own life.

The dedicated minority has always affected the greatest changes in society. Transformation, however, always has a cost and those in opposition defend the status quo with whatever is in easy reach. Our recent history during the Vietnam War saw violence and chaos which rocked the very foundations of our society yet we survived. There are those, and always will be, who seek the "good old days" without elaborating history can never be reversed without cost. The American Public is, as paraphrased from Thomas Jefferson, a great unwashed beast which is peaceful while at rest, but tenacious when awakened.

Confrontation, debate and struggle are healthy for a society until the point of nonsensical violence is reached. The ante is then raised to the bar of survival where the sound of reason is hushed by the cacophony of gunfire. Unfortunately, this nation pushed the bar in Vietnam and currently, Iraq, by selectively ignoring our own arrogance and rigid ideology. Non-recognition of our own history of struggle and invalidating cherished ideals does not justify pre-emptive invasion; nor does perpetuating equivocations to the public about another nation in order to invade. No amount of earth's resources, i.e. oil, gained can eradicate the pain of betrayal on a national level. That is certainly not the America we were brought up to respect.

The United States has lost sight of our own dream; the cherished vision paid for with the blood, sweat and tears of those past. Instead, we rely on short-minded ideologues uttering simple cliches to motivate the masses whether true or not. Ms. Bhutto should be remembered not only for her ultimate sacrifice, but also for the vision her death caused many in this nation to recall. Once again, we have to find our way in the darkness until the American Dream is reborn to its fulfillment. Her unfortunate death has given us the time to pause and realize the decimation of our own national vision. For that alone, we owe her a debt of gratitude. Another bright star is twinkling in heaven this evening and this world citizen says "THANK YOU!"

Now You Hear; Now You Don't

Ladies and Gentlemen, a news conference has begun to elaborate on the President's plan to convince America he is always right about Iran regardless of what intelligence agencies state, what others proclaim and yadda, yadda, yadda. Dana The Dimple comes to the rostrum:

Dana: Good Morning, Controlled Media. I want to make a brief statement and then open it up for questions.

Dana: Okay, that was the statement, get it!!!; let me consult my color coded chart for good people to select. Done, you there in back, wearing the single tone outfit.

Indiv: Yes, what do you want?

Dana: Ask your question!

Indiv: I'm the janitor, okay.

Dana: Damn chart...uhhhh, the Cuban Missile Crisis is still not relevant. Regardless of what your hear, the President is always right. He says so thus one should believe.

Press: Reputable intelligence agencies in this nation and the world have stated Iran ceased military nuke operations in 2003, yet President In A Bubble continued to rant on World War III and stoke the war fires. How do you explain that?

Dana: He is always right and didn't do any of those things. Let me explain this for your edification (4 syllables). It comes from God to George through me to you. Therefore, these statements are divine in origin and not subject to fallacy. Like, its theocratically cool!!

Press: Are you stating President In A Bubble (PIB) is a prophet?

Dana: Duhhhhhhhhhhh! Took you awhile to figure that one out, Einstein!!!

Press: This is hard to envision since he is so mistake prone. Can you give us something more to validate this revelation?

Dana: Have you ever noticed how Barney (pet dog) always follows in his footsteps and never urinates on White House fire hydrants. Next question....

Press: There are no White House fire hydrants....

Dana: See, the Tribulation has begun and you didn't even notice!!!! Barney works in mysterious ways. No Cuban Missile crisis here or if there ever was one...

Press: Let's get a bit more substantive. Why did the President cite the fear of World War III knowing the Iranians had ceased nuclear activities?

Dana: He's the President and talks with God. I talk to the President sometimes too, but usually when his wife isn't around. Pickles tends to rain on the party and that's when one needs to clarify issues. She's an issue and I'm Dana.

Press: Not sure what that meant, but you didn't answer the question. Please, why did he continue preaching World War III when he knew production had stopped.

Dana: That falls under Executive Privilege between him and God. The Missile Crisis happened in Cuba and you thought I didn't know.

Press: How does one get a straight answer from this administration?

Dana: Oh, Silly....ask a crooked question and then hope for the best!! Time to go since I have to look up someone named Kruschev for my new book on etiquette....

Press: One last question......was the White House involved in the destruction of CIA tapes!

Dana: Of course, not. PIB gets his anti-depressants and alcohol from the House Physician. God told him to take these to develop a clearer picture of the domestic scene and boy, has it ever helped. Bye, now...

This has been a heavenly production authorized by President In A Bubble, his disciple, Karl and Official White House Dog, Barney.

Banality of Presidential Elections

Turned on the television a few days ago and observed what appeared to be a group of adults discussing elementary politics. It wasn't intriguing nor stimulating to watch this group play politics with accompanying snideness and questionable intellectuality. Ironically, it was the Democrat or Republican presidential candidate debates-take your choice. So much was said about so little and of course, primary topics of major interest were cautiously avoided. Its the ratings that matter, the right image and not the country or perish the thought, the public for whom they serve.

Most of these candidates could participate in the television program revolving around knowing more than a 5th grader except they would probably lose. So what is it this writer is actually trying to say. The election campaign is a farce....no, no that, though there are moments. More concern exists for favorable segues and building points that for this great nation....no doubt, this is true. In reality, this entire campaign reminds me of high school king/queen of the prom campaigning. Everyone seems to be currying the public only for favorable response rather than delving into the myriad of problems this nation faces.

There was more enthusiasm with Colbert declaring a quasi-candidacy than with many of these individuals; and he certainly discussed far greater issues. This is, indeed, a sad thing to note, but coincides with the demise of American world credibility. How else does one rationalize the staying power of certain names who would have been forced out years ago.

Guiliani-womanizer, questionable financial transactions as Mayor, et. al.

Romney-draft evader, attempting to minimize church-state separation.

McCain-has forsaken Arizona with his senatorial absence, silver spoon youth whose father's rank, Admiral, prevented him from being bounced from Naval flight training after crashing two jets, questionable activities with North Vietnamese while being held as a POW, wife steals drugs from non-profit org she headed and becomes addict-convicted and dried out, his wishy-washy attitude towards Bush even after being attacked by Karl Rove, et. al.

Huckabee-who?

Thompson-back to Law and Order; he needs the writers strike to end for campaign material.

Clinton-difficult to determine a position on many facets.

Edwards-fadinggggggggggggggg

Obama-has to walk the razor's edge

I'm tired of all of this though the others are far from innocent as well. We are only human beings and susceptible to human foibles. Americans are a forgiving lot, but lost values and common sense would have prevented many candidates from declaring their availability. The quality of candidates has decreased in tune with our national values and no one is shouting from the rooftop for it to stop.

Has Iraq been really discussed? The lies that propelled us into that conflict; the wounded GIs receiving less than adequate healthcare in hospitals resembling the Walter Reed episode; the 120-150 Veteran suicides occurring weekly; the US government becoming a corporate welfare provider to companies like Halliburton; our declining education system; media facets crawling in bed with the White House, et. al. I miss America.

Its banal. Like Alf Landon once said, "I could run on a laundry ticket and beat these bums."

End Of The Year Eval

Well, well, well....here it is almost at the end of 2007 and the obvious question is: are we better off this year than last? Will 2008 bring a kinder, gentler nation espousing forsaken values and brimming with less compassionate conservatives? Methinks I don't know, but at least there will be an election! Otherwise, here are my observations:

1. The US has become a Britney Spears codependent. God, this administration reminds me so much of her misguided antics.

2. Gomer Pyle is a better orator than GW. At least, he wouldn't need all speeches scripted, the audience preselected and news correspondents chosen beforehand as well. What does this spell......fear and indolence!!!!

3. I just don't understand....Bush and the Uber Gang presented lies to launch us into Iraq yet Congress prefers to remain oblivious to taking them to task. Thousands have died while Congress buys into the fantasy and espouses we just can't leave. Okay, but how did we get there and what the hell are you going to do about it? Similar to the Britney "I'm too sick to go to a deposition" while missing four dates and then complaining about the horrible sin the court is perpetrating on her children by threatening to take away custody. By the way, who has visitation rights to George W. and Dick C.?

4. Oh, America....you send our youngest off to fight the wars and then forsake their care when they return. Why aren't our returning wounded being taken care of? Why are Veterans relegated to the darkest bastion of society once their usefulness to fight the "war" has ended? Again, another morality crisis the Bush Administration has tried to gloss over. By the way, did I mention 120-150 Vets are committing suicide weekly and all the conversation is over why inadequate tracking exists? There is Frontier Land, Fantasy Land, Never Never Land, White House Land; I forget the other two, but now this government is is Spin Spun Land.

5. Iran was ready to initiate World War II, according to Yanked From Flight Status in the Guard George, but then we find out they had halted production in 2005!!! Hmmm, let me tell you about this bridge for sale in Lake Havasu... Now, this writer would never accuse George of fabricating, but there is a strange scent in the air coming from the bullpen and it isn't jasmine.

6. Baseball is rocked by yet another seismic anomaly....first it was the strike which destroyed the love affair for many of us....and now steroids. Its not entirely the players fault since owners want production to enhance public turnout at games. As the great barbiturate taker, Nancy Reagan, once said: "Just say no." (even though she couldn't). My Goodness, why were so many Yankees?; and tell me, did George provide any substance while he was affiliated with the Astros as a minority owner (other than being photographed picking his nose?). Its a travesty to all who once believed! Where is Judge Learned Hand when you need him??

7. Declaration of Conscience: I believe in my country, but have serious misgivings about our current state of government. The electoral campaign could be better served by simply herding all the candidates into a room, distributing Double Bubble Chewing Gum and then determine who blows the biggest bubble. So far, it has been an exercise in futility reminding me of adhering to the great Shakespeare paraphrased from Romeo and Juliet: "they speak and yet they say nothing." Unfortunately, people are dying while the vacuum is being expanded!!

8. Help me understand....Lindsay Lohan was on probation and then was pulled over for DUI and Cocaine possession....84 minutes in jail. Paris Hilton was on probation, suspended drivers license; and then was pulled over for driving without a license, et. al.-just a few days in jail. Kiefer Sutherland was picked up for DUI and given, I believe, 48 days. Hmmmmm....I'm beginning to see a pattern here....Britney, don't worry...you can be released to pick up your Starbuck's latte...no problem....Kiefer, back to jail. Just love justice, celebrity style....

9. Bill O'Reilly is such a trip....here's a guy talking about the war on Christmas, morality and all that after Fox was forced to ante up approximately $15 million to satisfy a sexual harassment suit against him by a former assistant producer. A typical story......silver spoon youth goes to parochial school, private university and then to England to avoid the draft (1968); returns when fear of induction is over; and now becomes the great victim of his own sexual verbages. Apparently, the young lady involved may have made tapes of his overtures and this frightened the His Holy Hypocrisy. Tsk, tsk, tsk....look to stars, dear Bill, instead of your own private folly.....Does he know Brittany?

10. Its the Christmas season....I believe in the old Christmas when it really meant something and millions looked forward to it yearly; not the commercialized Christmas which begins as soon as the first college football game is over. It is a special time of the year which has to be found again in one's heart and not from the machinations of mass advertising. Happy holidays to all and dear Brittany, even Santa Claus has a present for you.

Oops!

Well, well, well.....now President In A Bubble is attempting to revise Vietnam War history to fit his needs. This is, indeed, a serious matter and indicates the desperation PIB will go to justify his war. Methinks a bit of true history is in order for PIB to ponder about.

1. Presidential Resignee Nixon and his henchman, Kissinger, presided over the withdrawal from Vietnam. It was simply a "haul ass to save ass" operation Kissinger manipulated in a failed attempt to leave with some honor. The North Vietnamese played Kissinger along to the point where he agreed to the same treaty stipulations opposed to in the beginning.

2. There were no large scale massacres as PIB would lead one to believe. Granted, many were sent to reeducation camps, but killings on a massive scale were not occurring.

3. Presidential Resignee Nixon contacted both Hanoi and Saigon governments as a civilian running for the highest office in 1968. His objective was to stymy the Paris Peace Talks which were starting to bear some fruit. Technically, this is treason, but then President Johnson did not pursue charges though fully aware of Nixon's meddling. This intrusion, however, prolonged the war for 5 more years killing thousands of Americans and Vietnamese.

4. Nixon's policies created the killing fields of Cambodia and Kissinger is wont to take any responsibility for this. The legitimate leader, Prince Sihanouk, was deposed in a coup which placed Lon Nol, in power. Lon Nol was very pro-American and could not solve the basic problems his nation was experiencing primarily due to Nixon/Kissinger meddling. The result was three million dead Cambodians in the killing fields until the North Vietnamese invaded to occupy the nation.

5. The United States has yet to acknowledge the results of applying Agent Orange and 22 other chemicals in Vietnam. Vietnam has, however, begun to seek legal recourse through the World Court, but it is obvious PIB will not mention this in any form.

6. Lastly, PIB was a silver spoon baby who avoided the draft through use to his father's influence to enter the National Guard. He did this surrepitiously, accepted a direct commission hardly qualified for and then forsook the last 18 months of his obligation. He was not pursued due to his father's position.

PIB is not in any position morally or ethically to discuss Vietnam without indicating his lack of participation thereof and why. Too many good people paid the price for this misadventure and many are still suffering on both sides of the ocean. Bush, however, is oblivious to any academic discussion on this and other subjects. My suggestion is he simply go to the nearest DVA hospital and apologize profusely while granting a greater budgetary allowance to that agency to treat honorable Veterans.

It must be difficult to play the image when you realize your own transparency.

The GWB White House Quiz

The White House held a special news conference today in an effort to fully explain Vice-President Dick Cheney stating his position was not within the Executive Branch. Tony Snow and the VP are walking up to the microphone now:

Snow: Good Morning, journalists.....Jeff, are you here?

VP: Skip the Gannon crap and get on with it.

Snow: The Vice-Presidency is not part of the Executive Branch since primary duty is President of the Senate. The President concurs and naturally, so do we.

Question: If this is indeed fact, then does the White House plan to return the millions of dollars allocated in the budget specifically for the VP position?

VP: We ain't giving nothin' back...all you have to do is believe what is said, you screw! Someday, I'll bust out of this place....yah, on top of the world, Ma!!

Question: Interesting comment, VP Cheney, but Congress controls the purse strings; not you. Does this also mean you will have to move out of the Naval Observatory-you know, the place where you like to stiff the electric bill!!

VP: Funny guy, ehhhhh! Well, go fark yourself with a wet armadillo! Me and my boytoy, Georgie, can pretty much do what we want. Why....because we want to and secondly, this is our house and not yours. Keep that trap of yours in line or else there will be trouble. I swing a mean rod......

Question: How do you plan to just arbitrarily change the Constitution and decades of tradition?

Snow: Easy (snaps his fingers) it's changed. Oh, there may be some sticky wickets, but overall, it will be smooth running. Remember, we is good and you are bad. You, there in the back, wearing the wide brim hat, sunglasses and short as a microbe. Who are you?

Helen Thomas: Its Helen Thomas, yellow snow brain. Simply wanted to find a strategic position to ask questions since you banished me from the front.

Snow: Okay, Helen, ask your question and then go back to school.

Thomas: The war is not going well......

Snow: That's only conjecture subject to interpretation and we say its splendidly orchestrated.

Thomas: Whatever, but this president never seems to place himself in the front lines....only in a defense position to cry havoc.

VP: Get rid of this screwball or else I may have to get another draft deferment..

Snow: Our president, hallowed be thy name, is always on the front lines; always in the fox hole; if fact he sacrifices more with his fantasy dreams than most of you at daily work. He lives, breathes, eats and defecates the Iraq war every single day. In fact, just yesterday, President Bush was remarking how much he needed to relax, perhaps travel back to Georgia (former Soviet state) and visit Atlanta. We were very touched by his words since he seemed to say nothing at all.

VP: Enough of this crap. Press conference is over, the acts are done and all of you are no more than pus eating maggots. Get out of here before I call Gomer Pyle!!!

Thomas: Hey, Dick????? Did you ever get that gift subscription to Lesbian Co-Dependent I sent to you. You could use a makeover.

VP: Yadda, Yadda, Helen.....where's Jeff when I need him??

At Least We Have Paris!

Paris is a beautiful city composed of the Louvre, Montmarte, the Eiffel Tower and so much more. It doesn't have a Bill O'Reilly statue and probably won't since he has had such little impact on the pigeon population.

Paris Hilton could be a beautiful person, but she contracted the silver spoon disease shared by man such as Mr. O'Reilly, George W. Bush, et al. Usual symptoms are irresponsibility, squandering, buck passing, arrogance and lastly, vacuous statement no one really understands (or cares to).

She's a 26 year old woman who crossed the line into adulthood by flaunting the law and fully expecting her wealth affluence to carry her unblemished. Fortunately, Paris was confronted by a judge who took the violations seriously and placed her where the most good could be accomplished-jail.

Naturally, Paris objected to this since her bubble burst and a totally unexpected thrust into adulthood was frightening. Ironically, she also learned another life session-where were her friends? One separates the wheat from the chaff when a traumatic moment strikes, but Paris has experienced arrested development most of her life.

Hang in there, Paris and you still have an opportunity to be a responsible individual who can contribute more that T&A to society. Honest!!
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Speaking of O'Reilly.....let's don't and not stir up the bats. Uhmmmmmmm, wonder how the former producer he sexually harassed is spending her $12 million settlement.
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President in a Bubble vetoed a stem cell bill today. He announced it was a cornerstone act in the war on drugs and marijuana would not be tolerated by terminology nor butts. He handed out simulated bongs instead of pens after signing the legislation.
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The Arizona Attorney General announced he would not prosecute anyone practicing polygamy, but would instead leave it up to the private sector. Independent vigilante groups have already announced they will patrol particular areas where the practice flourishes. Arizona has MinuteMen along the border and now has Marriage Marshals scouring the hinterland. Only in America!!
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The pentagon made another announcement today on the so-called Gay Bomb-just kidding!! They apologized for violating the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Wink policy used to discharge 11,000 GIs already. Give that bomb a dishonorable for telling!!

I gotta go find some Black Jack chewing gum and think about insaneness accepted as normality.

Return Of The Blogger

Out of the night when the full moon is right comes: Me!! Yes, the hiatus is over and its time to plink and plunk all those ideas and people who consider themselves sacred. What you say, we still have the Chosen Ones among us??!! Of course, they can have their cereal and fleece others for the sacred milk to savor.........On with the show:

Tony Snow, White House Snowjobber, declared President In A Bubble (PIB) was in the "front lines" of the war at all times. Uhmmmmmm, seems to me he avoided Vietnam, became lost for 18 months while in the National Guard and hauled ass to save ass on 9/11. Wait!!!! Its coming to me...George was actually in offensive withdrawal and not retreat.....he was always there, but wasn't noticed by his absence. Perfectly understandable....Give me a Valium!!

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton is seeking a pardon from the Street Crossing Guard working outside of the LA County Jail. She has promised to respect authority by starting out at the lowest level for absolution, but apparently hasn't recognized the White House yet. "It's not right, Mommie"

The President of Vietnam is visiting DC soon and PIB is excited. He has ordered all the kimchee to be found for a special state dinner. Forgive us, Mr. Vietnam President, for he knows not what he does and less of what he will do.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor several administration officials and Congress members will be indicted for corruption in the near future. In the meantime, Congress is contemplating a prison reform bill offering luxury condos for former officials if the need arises.

Major chocolate manufacturers are pestering the government to let them produce all those products we have come to love without chocolate. Yes, this is absolutely true!! Manufacturers claim they can use all those ungodly synthetic materials to create chocolate, but want the feds to allow them to still advertise the product as chocolate. Isn't that kind of like Dick Cheney proclaiming to be honest?

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan continues.

On a lighter note, Richard Nixon, former resignee president of the United States, is still dead and was not sighted in the White House as an apparition opening/closing safes. That interloper was identified as Howard Hunt, Watergate instigator and also dead.

On a final note, former Speaker of the House, Tom DeLay, denies he will take over the Late Jerry Falwell's numerous positions. DeLay is happily awaiting the opportunity to serve with Paris Hilton or Scooter Libby or Bubba.

Pinnochio In The White House

Pinnochio has always been active in the White House and had at least 6 nose shortenings during his the first administration alone. Now, too many heretofore secrets are beginning to unravel and Pinnochio is expeditiously dishing out portions of his nose to whomever will accept them. Scott McClellan tried the Pinocchio role today while denying a misread Washington Post article concerning George attempting to classify two mobile wagons as weapons of mass destruction. It didn't work then due to world knowledge of the actual wagon's purpose, but this didn't stop his declaration of two WMDs found. Of course, he ended up with egg on his face, but Super Snort Scott McClellan is still beating the drum of eruditic wisdom held by George regardless. Remember, the Emperor is wearing clothes!!

A great deal of historical research has been accomplished on George by myself and one glaring mischaracteristic stands out: carelessness. George has always been careless and then depends on others to bail him when the going gets tough. This was his Father's position for years, until Dad decided to start passing the task off to friends such as the Saudis who bankrolled an oil company, Arbusto, buyout George had driven into the ground. The future president made a hefty profit for his typical careless nature and went to other horizions.

The whole Iraq debacle is characteristic of a personality flaw: he says it, thats the way it is and he doesn't want to hear any different. George informed Pat Robertson, according to Robertson, there would not be any casualities during the Iraq operation. Pretty nieve thinking, but the President's proved this when he shrouded a web of secrecy around transportation of dead GIs and has yet to go to a single funeral. He honestly believes his way is divine and nothing else can be accepted.

The concept of above the law is applicable and any investigation is simply radicals trying to bring down the just divine government in Washington DC. Meanwhile, the investigations keep drawing closer and the President is visibily more nervous. His ratings are in the mid 30s, Cheney is being booed for simply being in public, and 35 GIs a month are dying in Iraq where over a billion dollars weekly is being spent

Methinks someone is pretending to be the Emperor and a brave soul needs to stand shouting loudly: he's not wearing any clothes. Until then, more Americans will die and he may just hurl us into another conflict with Iran.;..not for uranium enrichment since America sold that technology to the Iranians during the Iran-Iraqi War. Oh, did I mention the USA did the same with Iraq in hopes both would obliterate each other thus creating a hegemony role the US could fill.

It didn't work out, but the WMDs had already been sold, the Arab world was reacting negatively to President Regan dispatching more American troops to the Persian Gulf followed by President Bush Senior's bungling of Desert Storm. The only action left was to eventually take out Sadaam in an attempt to hide all the secret suitcases and maybe, Iran since they had many secrets from the USA also.

If only George had been honest, then various other foreign policy options could have been proposed. But he shoots from hip and believes every incantation created which have hardly done him nor this nation well.

Its time congress came in from recess and grasp the bull by the horns. This president is not hitting on all eight cylinders; his train has pulled out and he's still in the station; too few brain cells are regenerating nightly; or he simply needs to be out to pasture either by resignation or impeachment.

America cannot afford more of his histrionc nameless. unreasonable, unjustifiable type of terror mongering simply to deceive America into action. Nameless, blameless, horrible fear that inculcates itself into our societal structure and stymies intellectual development and human progress. Instead of bearing the mantle of leadership, he has accepted the role of Pinocchio who cannot keep up with the latest incantation of falsehoods much less his own latest story. They he doesn't know the truth from the lie; the lie from the falsehood or was it the truth?

The Pres is A Man of Contradictions

The President is a man of contradictions, to say the least. On one hand, he tells us, as he did in a 2004 speech, we are a nation guided by a constitution where a wiretap has to be authorized by the court; and then justifies, as he recently did, the wiretapping of American citizens without the benefit of this founding document. Now, we find he did not consult with Congress, did not request warrants from the court and expanded the surveillance to include good old American citizens, domestic spying that is and highly illegal.

He justifies all this by stating a wartime president has that right and further Congress gave him the power in the resolution to slam Iraq. Of course, George W. Bush Jr. is not a wartime president since a declaration of war has never been proclaimed by Congress. Secondly, Tom Daschle revealed the White House had asked for wartime powers, but had been turned down shortly after 9/11. So, what does this boil down to for the president-well, Dick Cheney said it okay and further, Alberto Gonzales gave his rubber stamp. Somewhere down the line you will probably hear Pickles smiling in an approving way and the twins may resurrect to have a picture op of daddy holding the resolution in one hand and the list of those spied upon in the other.

Speaking of which, the White House is hedging on providing a list of those spied upon even to the secret court. After all, George said the court was too slow in approving applications and he had to take the next step by just setting up the wiretaps by executive order. Somehow, the legal system seems to frown upon executives taking this type of initiative for a variety of reasons with the illegality being the foremost. It also opens up the government for massive lawsuits, massive disrepute and further erosion of credibility.

Here’s the solution: wiretap every single room in the White House, Crawford House, Dick Cheney’s residences (Washington and hidden), Jeff Gannon’s bed, Alberto Gonzales’ typewriter, Don Rumsfeld’s secret tooth filling radio conductivity sets, Tom Delay’s brain and many more. What a wonderful soap opera this will make and the nation will be safe!! Everybody will know everything and the administration will not have to worry about secrets!!

Ode To Mediocrity

President in a Bubble gave a speech this evening extolling all the virtues of a winning war and sacrifices ahead. Unfortunately, I've heard it all before in another place in another time with the same actors-it was called Vietnam. The money rolled in with a term called deficit spending which is still a not too distant memory since it took decades to pay. President Johnson had to balance precariously the chasm between bread and butter in order not to inflame a public already sensitive to civil rights, campus demonstrations and Vietnam. He managed to do this for awhile, but the Tet Offensive of 1968 took both is spirit and desire to run again away.

President Bush isn't really saying anything new-just the same reiteration of the same old fear, same old rah-rah, and don't support our enemies by not supporting this war, yadda, yadda, yadda. Meanwhile, 19 Iraqis died today from an explosion and GIs are becoming discontent. VP 5 Deferments Cheney spent time in Iraq and gave the best rah-rah he could, but still came under some hard questions from battle grisled GIs. He continued the rah-rah and GIs being GIs assisted him in his personality development; that is, let him know what they thought of his non-answers. Being the grand poopah of cowardice, he left to bullshit another day.

PIB (President in a Bubble) can talk of WMDs all he wants, but never divulges that President Reagan and VP then President Bush Sr. sold WMD and nuclear technology to Iraq. He will never say the gassing of Kurds and Sunnis was opposed by the Reagan-Bush Administration simply because it wasn't. He will instill fear of this action against America as a reason for invasion, but will not discuss the lack of action against Hussein when he decimated his own people.

The Reagan-Bush Policy paired two lumbering giants, Iraq and Iran, against each other in an eight year war that killed millions, witnessed the use of poison gas and various other chemical biological agents while America looked the other way. Our foreign policy was too busy supplying both nations with weapons including WMDs and nuclear technology. Besides, the underlying motive was for them to destroy each other thus decimating the possible hegemony either could establish in the Middle East and then the United States could move in further to insure oil flow. It didn't work that as President Reagan began moving in American troops too early and the Muslim World took notice of what they described as the Next Crusade.

Muslims that had been created and trained to fight the Russians in Afghanistan suddenly began making plans to confront the Americans instead who were viewed as just another western power attempting to subjugate and Christianize the Arab nations. They didn't have long to wait until the drums began beating for a joint war effort to maintain control over the western "lifeline."

President In A Bubble will not fill you in on prior history since he froze release of all Reagan and Bush Jr. Administration records to prevent any type of historical scrutiny. It wouldn't look that good to have monographs and other ideas floating around that the PIB couldn't deal with. Of course, he can't deal with much as it is, but it is always best for his handlers to limit the options.

By the way, he made extensive use of his right arm, hand and fingers during the speech and kept his eyes on the fingers while using them. Apparently, this was an effort to maintain location at all times and also not to protrude the middle index finger he is so well know for.

PIB needs helpd which only an extended rest can provide.

Black Is White and White Is Black

The holidays are nearly upon us, but Bill O'Reilly and the other Yule Commandoes state it is Christmas since this is a predominantly Christian country thus other faiths should suck it in.

Of course, Bill and the boys offer Holiday gifts in deference to their own Christmas statements and the President issues a White House Holiday Card to really bolster the war against the secularists. This is all in addition to propagating the Christimas spirit in Iraq and Afghanistan by bombing the hell out of everyone in existence in an effort to change their heather ways to evangelical right Christians more than happy to sign all natural resources over.

VP Dick Cheney is abounding around the countryside in his undisclosed locations touting the advantages of torture as a viable means of celebrating the Christmas season while Condoleeza Rice travels all over Europe trying to convince various leaders our military didn't really torture anyone nor transport enemy combatants to other nations to be tortured. Of course, this made a heavy thud when crashing since Poland had already been identified as one nation where prisoners were being stored and tortured at length in addition to various other nations.

The President is becoming desparate and has actually talked to the American people about an Iraqi plan; somewhat secretive, but undoubtedly will be released sometime during the next 3 years. It probably doesn't exist, but no matter since the President probably ordered new bibles be sent to the Muslim prisoners at Gitmo to replace their flushed Korans. Its Christmas you know!

All in all, our President and his staff are full of Christmas spirit!! Cutting those social services budgets, paring down Pell Grants even more, holding back endorsements/funding for important investigations displaying various criminal activities going on within the administration; and of course, downplaying the number war wounded thus decreasing the amount of money needed to treat disabled Veterans...it makes sense from their perspective.

So, on one hand the likes of O'Reilly and Limbaugh, both draft evaders, spout on about the secular war on Christmas and on the other George and the Boys try to act as anti-Christian as possible with Americans, Iraqis and Afghanistanis.

In conclusion, Will Hunting from the movie, Good Will Hunting, said it best: "Politicans send in the Marines to secure the area cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old jo cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks."

"...Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? Christ, I could be elected President!"

Tell Them What They Need To Hear!!

President in a Bubble is having a difficult time selling Iraq these days due to a rise in insurgency, over 2000 American deaths, criticism from Iraq leaders and lastly, just unable to get it together.

Abu Ghraib and various other sites displayed Americans using torture techniques with at least a nod from the Secretary of Defense and the White House. Now, PIAB and Ms. Rice are attempting to convince not only us, but the entire world this nation never engaged in torture and scrupuously observed all international treaties regarding such.

Though educated, I must ask the following question: do you think we are damn stupid and have the memory of a dead walnut? Come on, people, we recall too plainly the numbness felt when all those ugly pictures of Abu Ghraib came out and your incessant chanting that "enemy combatants" had no rights. Your justification of torture as legitimate and necessary to save American lives and now you are trying to convince us it never happened.

Prozac can work wonders for you type of affliction and I must hardily recommend a trained mental health professional, preferably a PhD psychologist to help with you various problems. Cuz you certainly have them and not many of us.

Get it together or resign your positions, please....its time credibility, honor and honesty reentered our White House and obviously, you're not the ones..

Bill O'Reilly-Space The Final Frontier

Bill O'Reilly is having a difficult time making points about life and Christmas. His listnership has fallen off considerably and one gets the impression Bill was counting on his annual War On Christmas by the illusionary secularists routine to return him among the impaired leaders again. Unfortunately, Bill is a victim of his own lack of research and a more severe problem, not engaging brain prior to speaking.

His basic premise concerning Christmas was undercut by Fox Network selling all type of seasonal trinkets which had Holiday Greetings printed upon them. Of course, Bill had stated this was tantamount to treason and one would be justified to punch a person in the mouth who stated such, but O'Reilly backed down since he owes too much to them. After all, they paid his 12 million dollar settlement to the Associate Producer Bill sexually harassed and now he is somewhat indebted. To top it off, the President of the United States own greeting card also states Holiday Greetings again making Bill look like a schmuck. He just can't win!

He continues to insist he was from Levittown when he wasn't....grew up in the next town over in more affluent circumstances including private parochial schools, later a private expensive Catholic college and a two year jaunt to England for study as well (ironically, avoiding the draft by doing this!)

He continues to insist his parents were blue collar working class....but, father was a CPA who worked for a defense contractor and mother was a physical therapist-hardly blue collar working class.

Makes a big deal of his father never making more than $35,000 yearly. Of course, $35,000 in 1967 was equivalent to $95,000 today according to the Department of the Treasury which means, combining her professional salary as well, meant they weren't exactly poor. That was a lot of money considering GIs were getting $98 month starting pay.

Bill graduated from high school in 1967 and immediately enrolled in Marist College to receive his draft deferment. The Vietnam War was not going very well with losses at their highest point in 1968 when Bill decided to go to London for further study. Ironically, this was at the same time Bill Clinton was there, but no inference is made. It also meant O'Reilly could not be drafted since he was still in school, but also in a foreign land. He did return later when the draft was winding down and had little to fear from induction. His English studies were very strategic to assist his draft evasion.

One must ask what O'Reilly feared from being inducted into the armed forces? All his blustering right wing rhetoric seems to indicate he would have been a prime candidate for the infantry fighting in the dense Vietnam jungles, but like many of his Republican cohorts blowing so hotly since their draft was avoided also. You see, Bill was another silver spoon boy who had difficulty making decisions much less accepting civic responsibility. His current ego indicates it was someone else's problem and certainly not his until his sexually harassed his associate producer and Fox had to shell out $12 million.

In fact, Bill doesn't like to discuss the Vietnam War period and one senses the inveitable question of why he wasn't drafted or at least serve in some component will appear. Its a fair question, but chances are a straight answer could never be obtained from him. He's too busy emulating Joe McCarthy who at least served, but certainly not in the distinctive and heroic manner he bragged of.

Take it from me, Bill. You would have been a better person for serving and would have least learned your father didn't have to make all the decisions for you. Did you spend much time in France while hiding out from the draft?

Memories of Grandma

There are many fond memories of my Grandparents from my Iowa farm upbringing. Those recollections are regarded with warmness of days gone by in a different time. My Grandmother was 39 years old for 42 more years and that was all there was to it. One did not ask nor challenge her age since it was not proper and downright dangerous to boot. One time the new county tax assessor committed a drastic error by listing my Grandmother's date of birth and actual AGE on the assessment form. Those prior had simply written 39 in pencil and left it at that, but not this new one who was doing it by the book! She thrust it in front of me to reaffirm what she had read which was quickly done. A few seconds passed before I realized she was already out the door and waiting in the car for me to take her to Marshalltown to straighten this matter out with the "young whippersnapper." Grandma was unusually quiet while going there which is not a good sign. She perked up upon my parking in the county courthouse parking lot and bounded out the car with a fierce abandon while telling me to stay put since it wouldn't take long. She returned a few minutes later with a fire in her eye stating the matter had to be taken up with a higher power which I assumed meant a higher county organ for redress. Days passed and then she received a letter from the County Assessor apologizing for the previous form and promising the "inaccurate" age would never happen again. The letter was read to her and the age listed on the form quickly stated also. She smiled broadly in anticipation of my next question which was who was the higher power. Grandma quickly stated everyone has a mother, who should be respected, but the real power is the Grandmother. My Grandma has simply phoned his Grandmother relaying the troublesome deed thrust upon her by her grandson. Apparently, his Grandmother had made a special courthouse trip to inform the young one this type of behavior would not be tolerated and he had better change his ways. The frustrated assessor quickly consented much less he miss out on wonderful holiday dinners and a letter was quickly dispatched to those offended. Grandmother power is universal!
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Another memory of her is the unique way she would always address anything medically wrong with a woman, including the common cold, as a "female problem." Aunt Doris had a female problem and had to undergo an appendectomy while cousin Carol also had a female problem and gave birth to twins. Her references to male family members were quite different and much more precise. Uncle Clyde had a duodenal ulcer which was related in great detail while preciseness was denoted when another male family member had to have surgery in his private area. Related by my Grandmother, he had surgery to corrected one testicle that was hanging lower than the other one and hopefully it would make him work harder at delivering a grandchild. One day I asked her why she went to such lengths to describe all women's medical issues as female problems while going into such great detail with men. She looked at me, smiled, and proceeded to educate me in the ways of the world. It was gently explained women had to put up with a lot and naturally, had a right to protect their civility whenever possible. Consequently, the right existed to regard any medical issue as private and the same did not exist for men since they lacked gentility. It was her way of saying don't buck the system and you'll be fine. It was a way of giving respect to the ladies for the hard work they did to raise the kids, maintain the farm, etc., which generally was not extolled. Therefore, don't take away a portion of their dignity by making it an issue. I didn't and remained a sparkle in her eye!
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Every rural community had a drunk, floozie, gossip and other erstwhile characters which made up the fabric of that local society. Now, our local gossip lived north on the next farm over and was still trying to get over her husband leaving her for another woman. Of course, the gossip sort of forced her husband to leave with incessant chatter, recriminations and threats which finally did him in to the point where he threw up his hands and said, why not? He left and 15 years later, Evelyn was still complaining. One day she told a whopper to a new beau in her life about something my Grandfather had supposedly said causing him to drive over to our farm. Granddad was in the fields and I had returned to gas up another tractor. I noticed this car pull up and an older man get out of the vehicle. Voices quickly raised and I headed for the house yard immediately just as my Grandmother picked up the broom, never a good sign in anger. The man was calling my Grandfather a variety of names and I made the suggestion he should leave while the going was good. He quickly addressed me in an expletive deletive and before I could address the situation, Grandma was after him with the broom launching direct jousts with occasional upper cuts and crosses. The guy fled in holy fear to his car, but it didn't end there. My Grandmother, all 135 pounds of her 5' frame quickly grabbed a brick and heaved it with such precision it broke his rear car window. I stood in amazement wondering why no professional baseball team had not drafted this amazing talented woman with such a fantastic pitching arm. I went to her and found she was laughing so hard to the point of tears. She said only the acts were regretted, but no one said bad things about her family; only she and Granddad had that right. Besides, this would give the "old heifer" (Evelyn) something to crow about and probably mean weeks of peace from telephone calls.
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Rest in peace, Grandma. I miss you more than you know!!