Carrot Top claims he is the love child from a liaison between Rush Limbaugh and Diana Ross.
The presidential campaign became more intense today when John McCain notified everyone he recently discovered Vietnam Veterans that returned from the war. Overcome with amazement, McCain claims he never knew that many existed.
Also presidential candidate Mike Huckabee declared God began talking to him without notice and he was tempted to file a restraining order at first. An aide suggested a dialogue be started and Huckabee has been talking to air since. Mrs. Huckabee states her husband can have as much time as possible conversing with the deity since otherwise it would cut into her shopping time.
Madonna is sporting a puffy darkened left eye area and uses shades to cover the injury. No explanation yet for the injury, but inside sources cite a collision between her and her ego as the culprit.
George H.W. Bush, President In A Bubble's Reluctant Father, announced yesterday he will jump off a new naval ship to be named after him. The new vessel, the USS October Surprise, remembers the hefty contribution George gave the American hostages in Iran during the 1979 internment. He, as you may recall, negotiated with the Iranians to hold the hostages until after the election and then Ron Reagan would float big benefits to them. This was indeed done and the hotel bill was paid prior to their release. George only hopes there is enough air for his parachute to open.
Ann Coulter, former brain cell recipient, stated American Army military bases should be named after US officers only and NOT of fantasy. She was upset when the name Fort Bliss appeared in front of her right eye and swore another like this, say Fort Rapture of Camp Ectasy, would never occur in her lifetime. She is teaming up with Phyllis Schafly, former gadfly, to pressure Congress into enacting a Clean Fort Naming Bill. You go gettem, Big Ann!!
Brittany Spears appeared for her deposition and remained in a chair for nearly two hours. Not much of the scrutiny was revealed, but inside sources said she left with the bailiff!
That other bsit! girl, Lindsay Lohan, was capture on video New Years Eve downing some bubbly from even a bottle. Her probation prohibits such and friends stated she immediately called her twelve step alcohol sponsor, Jack Daniels, to report her offense. Keep it straight, Lindsay!!
Heath Ledger died yesterday.....Rest In Peace and thank you for the brilliant light your star gave all of us!
George Bush Jr. put forth the idea of an economic stimulus to jump start the economy just as soon as he learns the meaning of stimulus. Its over two syllables and difficult to understand.
Dick Cheney, The Indivisible Man, has not been seen for weeks, but there isn't that much concern. Pundits claim Cheney has been water boarding with friends at various overseas prisons he and President In A Bubble established. He is definitely a man who wants all the experience to be found except for the draft, of course,...gee, that was only 5 exemptions he got..and of course, it wasn't one of his priorities.
Till next demented time........
The presidential campaign became more intense today when John McCain notified everyone he recently discovered Vietnam Veterans that returned from the war. Overcome with amazement, McCain claims he never knew that many existed.
Also presidential candidate Mike Huckabee declared God began talking to him without notice and he was tempted to file a restraining order at first. An aide suggested a dialogue be started and Huckabee has been talking to air since. Mrs. Huckabee states her husband can have as much time as possible conversing with the deity since otherwise it would cut into her shopping time.
Madonna is sporting a puffy darkened left eye area and uses shades to cover the injury. No explanation yet for the injury, but inside sources cite a collision between her and her ego as the culprit.
George H.W. Bush, President In A Bubble's Reluctant Father, announced yesterday he will jump off a new naval ship to be named after him. The new vessel, the USS October Surprise, remembers the hefty contribution George gave the American hostages in Iran during the 1979 internment. He, as you may recall, negotiated with the Iranians to hold the hostages until after the election and then Ron Reagan would float big benefits to them. This was indeed done and the hotel bill was paid prior to their release. George only hopes there is enough air for his parachute to open.
Ann Coulter, former brain cell recipient, stated American Army military bases should be named after US officers only and NOT of fantasy. She was upset when the name Fort Bliss appeared in front of her right eye and swore another like this, say Fort Rapture of Camp Ectasy, would never occur in her lifetime. She is teaming up with Phyllis Schafly, former gadfly, to pressure Congress into enacting a Clean Fort Naming Bill. You go gettem, Big Ann!!
Brittany Spears appeared for her deposition and remained in a chair for nearly two hours. Not much of the scrutiny was revealed, but inside sources said she left with the bailiff!
That other bsit! girl, Lindsay Lohan, was capture on video New Years Eve downing some bubbly from even a bottle. Her probation prohibits such and friends stated she immediately called her twelve step alcohol sponsor, Jack Daniels, to report her offense. Keep it straight, Lindsay!!
Heath Ledger died yesterday.....Rest In Peace and thank you for the brilliant light your star gave all of us!
George Bush Jr. put forth the idea of an economic stimulus to jump start the economy just as soon as he learns the meaning of stimulus. Its over two syllables and difficult to understand.
Dick Cheney, The Indivisible Man, has not been seen for weeks, but there isn't that much concern. Pundits claim Cheney has been water boarding with friends at various overseas prisons he and President In A Bubble established. He is definitely a man who wants all the experience to be found except for the draft, of course,...gee, that was only 5 exemptions he got..and of course, it wasn't one of his priorities.
Till next demented time........
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