The GWB White House Quiz

The White House held a special news conference today in an effort to fully explain Vice-President Dick Cheney stating his position was not within the Executive Branch. Tony Snow and the VP are walking up to the microphone now:

Snow: Good Morning, journalists.....Jeff, are you here?

VP: Skip the Gannon crap and get on with it.

Snow: The Vice-Presidency is not part of the Executive Branch since primary duty is President of the Senate. The President concurs and naturally, so do we.

Question: If this is indeed fact, then does the White House plan to return the millions of dollars allocated in the budget specifically for the VP position?

VP: We ain't giving nothin' back...all you have to do is believe what is said, you screw! Someday, I'll bust out of this place....yah, on top of the world, Ma!!

Question: Interesting comment, VP Cheney, but Congress controls the purse strings; not you. Does this also mean you will have to move out of the Naval Observatory-you know, the place where you like to stiff the electric bill!!

VP: Funny guy, ehhhhh! Well, go fark yourself with a wet armadillo! Me and my boytoy, Georgie, can pretty much do what we want. Why....because we want to and secondly, this is our house and not yours. Keep that trap of yours in line or else there will be trouble. I swing a mean rod......

Question: How do you plan to just arbitrarily change the Constitution and decades of tradition?

Snow: Easy (snaps his fingers) it's changed. Oh, there may be some sticky wickets, but overall, it will be smooth running. Remember, we is good and you are bad. You, there in the back, wearing the wide brim hat, sunglasses and short as a microbe. Who are you?

Helen Thomas: Its Helen Thomas, yellow snow brain. Simply wanted to find a strategic position to ask questions since you banished me from the front.

Snow: Okay, Helen, ask your question and then go back to school.

Thomas: The war is not going well......

Snow: That's only conjecture subject to interpretation and we say its splendidly orchestrated.

Thomas: Whatever, but this president never seems to place himself in the front lines....only in a defense position to cry havoc.

VP: Get rid of this screwball or else I may have to get another draft deferment..

Snow: Our president, hallowed be thy name, is always on the front lines; always in the fox hole; if fact he sacrifices more with his fantasy dreams than most of you at daily work. He lives, breathes, eats and defecates the Iraq war every single day. In fact, just yesterday, President Bush was remarking how much he needed to relax, perhaps travel back to Georgia (former Soviet state) and visit Atlanta. We were very touched by his words since he seemed to say nothing at all.

VP: Enough of this crap. Press conference is over, the acts are done and all of you are no more than pus eating maggots. Get out of here before I call Gomer Pyle!!!

Thomas: Hey, Dick????? Did you ever get that gift subscription to Lesbian Co-Dependent I sent to you. You could use a makeover.

VP: Yadda, Yadda, Helen.....where's Jeff when I need him??

At Least We Have Paris!

Paris is a beautiful city composed of the Louvre, Montmarte, the Eiffel Tower and so much more. It doesn't have a Bill O'Reilly statue and probably won't since he has had such little impact on the pigeon population.

Paris Hilton could be a beautiful person, but she contracted the silver spoon disease shared by man such as Mr. O'Reilly, George W. Bush, et al. Usual symptoms are irresponsibility, squandering, buck passing, arrogance and lastly, vacuous statement no one really understands (or cares to).

She's a 26 year old woman who crossed the line into adulthood by flaunting the law and fully expecting her wealth affluence to carry her unblemished. Fortunately, Paris was confronted by a judge who took the violations seriously and placed her where the most good could be accomplished-jail.

Naturally, Paris objected to this since her bubble burst and a totally unexpected thrust into adulthood was frightening. Ironically, she also learned another life session-where were her friends? One separates the wheat from the chaff when a traumatic moment strikes, but Paris has experienced arrested development most of her life.

Hang in there, Paris and you still have an opportunity to be a responsible individual who can contribute more that T&A to society. Honest!!
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Speaking of O'Reilly.....let's don't and not stir up the bats. Uhmmmmmmm, wonder how the former producer he sexually harassed is spending her $12 million settlement.
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President in a Bubble vetoed a stem cell bill today. He announced it was a cornerstone act in the war on drugs and marijuana would not be tolerated by terminology nor butts. He handed out simulated bongs instead of pens after signing the legislation.
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The Arizona Attorney General announced he would not prosecute anyone practicing polygamy, but would instead leave it up to the private sector. Independent vigilante groups have already announced they will patrol particular areas where the practice flourishes. Arizona has MinuteMen along the border and now has Marriage Marshals scouring the hinterland. Only in America!!
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The pentagon made another announcement today on the so-called Gay Bomb-just kidding!! They apologized for violating the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Wink policy used to discharge 11,000 GIs already. Give that bomb a dishonorable for telling!!

I gotta go find some Black Jack chewing gum and think about insaneness accepted as normality.

Return Of The Blogger

Out of the night when the full moon is right comes: Me!! Yes, the hiatus is over and its time to plink and plunk all those ideas and people who consider themselves sacred. What you say, we still have the Chosen Ones among us??!! Of course, they can have their cereal and fleece others for the sacred milk to savor.........On with the show:

Tony Snow, White House Snowjobber, declared President In A Bubble (PIB) was in the "front lines" of the war at all times. Uhmmmmmm, seems to me he avoided Vietnam, became lost for 18 months while in the National Guard and hauled ass to save ass on 9/11. Wait!!!! Its coming to me...George was actually in offensive withdrawal and not retreat.....he was always there, but wasn't noticed by his absence. Perfectly understandable....Give me a Valium!!

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton is seeking a pardon from the Street Crossing Guard working outside of the LA County Jail. She has promised to respect authority by starting out at the lowest level for absolution, but apparently hasn't recognized the White House yet. "It's not right, Mommie"

The President of Vietnam is visiting DC soon and PIB is excited. He has ordered all the kimchee to be found for a special state dinner. Forgive us, Mr. Vietnam President, for he knows not what he does and less of what he will do.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor several administration officials and Congress members will be indicted for corruption in the near future. In the meantime, Congress is contemplating a prison reform bill offering luxury condos for former officials if the need arises.

Major chocolate manufacturers are pestering the government to let them produce all those products we have come to love without chocolate. Yes, this is absolutely true!! Manufacturers claim they can use all those ungodly synthetic materials to create chocolate, but want the feds to allow them to still advertise the product as chocolate. Isn't that kind of like Dick Cheney proclaiming to be honest?

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan continues.

On a lighter note, Richard Nixon, former resignee president of the United States, is still dead and was not sighted in the White House as an apparition opening/closing safes. That interloper was identified as Howard Hunt, Watergate instigator and also dead.

On a final note, former Speaker of the House, Tom DeLay, denies he will take over the Late Jerry Falwell's numerous positions. DeLay is happily awaiting the opportunity to serve with Paris Hilton or Scooter Libby or Bubba.

Pinnochio In The White House

Pinnochio has always been active in the White House and had at least 6 nose shortenings during his the first administration alone. Now, too many heretofore secrets are beginning to unravel and Pinnochio is expeditiously dishing out portions of his nose to whomever will accept them. Scott McClellan tried the Pinocchio role today while denying a misread Washington Post article concerning George attempting to classify two mobile wagons as weapons of mass destruction. It didn't work then due to world knowledge of the actual wagon's purpose, but this didn't stop his declaration of two WMDs found. Of course, he ended up with egg on his face, but Super Snort Scott McClellan is still beating the drum of eruditic wisdom held by George regardless. Remember, the Emperor is wearing clothes!!

A great deal of historical research has been accomplished on George by myself and one glaring mischaracteristic stands out: carelessness. George has always been careless and then depends on others to bail him when the going gets tough. This was his Father's position for years, until Dad decided to start passing the task off to friends such as the Saudis who bankrolled an oil company, Arbusto, buyout George had driven into the ground. The future president made a hefty profit for his typical careless nature and went to other horizions.

The whole Iraq debacle is characteristic of a personality flaw: he says it, thats the way it is and he doesn't want to hear any different. George informed Pat Robertson, according to Robertson, there would not be any casualities during the Iraq operation. Pretty nieve thinking, but the President's proved this when he shrouded a web of secrecy around transportation of dead GIs and has yet to go to a single funeral. He honestly believes his way is divine and nothing else can be accepted.

The concept of above the law is applicable and any investigation is simply radicals trying to bring down the just divine government in Washington DC. Meanwhile, the investigations keep drawing closer and the President is visibily more nervous. His ratings are in the mid 30s, Cheney is being booed for simply being in public, and 35 GIs a month are dying in Iraq where over a billion dollars weekly is being spent

Methinks someone is pretending to be the Emperor and a brave soul needs to stand shouting loudly: he's not wearing any clothes. Until then, more Americans will die and he may just hurl us into another conflict with Iran.;..not for uranium enrichment since America sold that technology to the Iranians during the Iran-Iraqi War. Oh, did I mention the USA did the same with Iraq in hopes both would obliterate each other thus creating a hegemony role the US could fill.

It didn't work out, but the WMDs had already been sold, the Arab world was reacting negatively to President Regan dispatching more American troops to the Persian Gulf followed by President Bush Senior's bungling of Desert Storm. The only action left was to eventually take out Sadaam in an attempt to hide all the secret suitcases and maybe, Iran since they had many secrets from the USA also.

If only George had been honest, then various other foreign policy options could have been proposed. But he shoots from hip and believes every incantation created which have hardly done him nor this nation well.

Its time congress came in from recess and grasp the bull by the horns. This president is not hitting on all eight cylinders; his train has pulled out and he's still in the station; too few brain cells are regenerating nightly; or he simply needs to be out to pasture either by resignation or impeachment.

America cannot afford more of his histrionc nameless. unreasonable, unjustifiable type of terror mongering simply to deceive America into action. Nameless, blameless, horrible fear that inculcates itself into our societal structure and stymies intellectual development and human progress. Instead of bearing the mantle of leadership, he has accepted the role of Pinocchio who cannot keep up with the latest incantation of falsehoods much less his own latest story. They he doesn't know the truth from the lie; the lie from the falsehood or was it the truth?

The Pres is A Man of Contradictions

The President is a man of contradictions, to say the least. On one hand, he tells us, as he did in a 2004 speech, we are a nation guided by a constitution where a wiretap has to be authorized by the court; and then justifies, as he recently did, the wiretapping of American citizens without the benefit of this founding document. Now, we find he did not consult with Congress, did not request warrants from the court and expanded the surveillance to include good old American citizens, domestic spying that is and highly illegal.

He justifies all this by stating a wartime president has that right and further Congress gave him the power in the resolution to slam Iraq. Of course, George W. Bush Jr. is not a wartime president since a declaration of war has never been proclaimed by Congress. Secondly, Tom Daschle revealed the White House had asked for wartime powers, but had been turned down shortly after 9/11. So, what does this boil down to for the president-well, Dick Cheney said it okay and further, Alberto Gonzales gave his rubber stamp. Somewhere down the line you will probably hear Pickles smiling in an approving way and the twins may resurrect to have a picture op of daddy holding the resolution in one hand and the list of those spied upon in the other.

Speaking of which, the White House is hedging on providing a list of those spied upon even to the secret court. After all, George said the court was too slow in approving applications and he had to take the next step by just setting up the wiretaps by executive order. Somehow, the legal system seems to frown upon executives taking this type of initiative for a variety of reasons with the illegality being the foremost. It also opens up the government for massive lawsuits, massive disrepute and further erosion of credibility.

Here’s the solution: wiretap every single room in the White House, Crawford House, Dick Cheney’s residences (Washington and hidden), Jeff Gannon’s bed, Alberto Gonzales’ typewriter, Don Rumsfeld’s secret tooth filling radio conductivity sets, Tom Delay’s brain and many more. What a wonderful soap opera this will make and the nation will be safe!! Everybody will know everything and the administration will not have to worry about secrets!!

Ode To Mediocrity

President in a Bubble gave a speech this evening extolling all the virtues of a winning war and sacrifices ahead. Unfortunately, I've heard it all before in another place in another time with the same actors-it was called Vietnam. The money rolled in with a term called deficit spending which is still a not too distant memory since it took decades to pay. President Johnson had to balance precariously the chasm between bread and butter in order not to inflame a public already sensitive to civil rights, campus demonstrations and Vietnam. He managed to do this for awhile, but the Tet Offensive of 1968 took both is spirit and desire to run again away.

President Bush isn't really saying anything new-just the same reiteration of the same old fear, same old rah-rah, and don't support our enemies by not supporting this war, yadda, yadda, yadda. Meanwhile, 19 Iraqis died today from an explosion and GIs are becoming discontent. VP 5 Deferments Cheney spent time in Iraq and gave the best rah-rah he could, but still came under some hard questions from battle grisled GIs. He continued the rah-rah and GIs being GIs assisted him in his personality development; that is, let him know what they thought of his non-answers. Being the grand poopah of cowardice, he left to bullshit another day.

PIB (President in a Bubble) can talk of WMDs all he wants, but never divulges that President Reagan and VP then President Bush Sr. sold WMD and nuclear technology to Iraq. He will never say the gassing of Kurds and Sunnis was opposed by the Reagan-Bush Administration simply because it wasn't. He will instill fear of this action against America as a reason for invasion, but will not discuss the lack of action against Hussein when he decimated his own people.

The Reagan-Bush Policy paired two lumbering giants, Iraq and Iran, against each other in an eight year war that killed millions, witnessed the use of poison gas and various other chemical biological agents while America looked the other way. Our foreign policy was too busy supplying both nations with weapons including WMDs and nuclear technology. Besides, the underlying motive was for them to destroy each other thus decimating the possible hegemony either could establish in the Middle East and then the United States could move in further to insure oil flow. It didn't work that as President Reagan began moving in American troops too early and the Muslim World took notice of what they described as the Next Crusade.

Muslims that had been created and trained to fight the Russians in Afghanistan suddenly began making plans to confront the Americans instead who were viewed as just another western power attempting to subjugate and Christianize the Arab nations. They didn't have long to wait until the drums began beating for a joint war effort to maintain control over the western "lifeline."

President In A Bubble will not fill you in on prior history since he froze release of all Reagan and Bush Jr. Administration records to prevent any type of historical scrutiny. It wouldn't look that good to have monographs and other ideas floating around that the PIB couldn't deal with. Of course, he can't deal with much as it is, but it is always best for his handlers to limit the options.

By the way, he made extensive use of his right arm, hand and fingers during the speech and kept his eyes on the fingers while using them. Apparently, this was an effort to maintain location at all times and also not to protrude the middle index finger he is so well know for.

PIB needs helpd which only an extended rest can provide.

Black Is White and White Is Black

The holidays are nearly upon us, but Bill O'Reilly and the other Yule Commandoes state it is Christmas since this is a predominantly Christian country thus other faiths should suck it in.

Of course, Bill and the boys offer Holiday gifts in deference to their own Christmas statements and the President issues a White House Holiday Card to really bolster the war against the secularists. This is all in addition to propagating the Christimas spirit in Iraq and Afghanistan by bombing the hell out of everyone in existence in an effort to change their heather ways to evangelical right Christians more than happy to sign all natural resources over.

VP Dick Cheney is abounding around the countryside in his undisclosed locations touting the advantages of torture as a viable means of celebrating the Christmas season while Condoleeza Rice travels all over Europe trying to convince various leaders our military didn't really torture anyone nor transport enemy combatants to other nations to be tortured. Of course, this made a heavy thud when crashing since Poland had already been identified as one nation where prisoners were being stored and tortured at length in addition to various other nations.

The President is becoming desparate and has actually talked to the American people about an Iraqi plan; somewhat secretive, but undoubtedly will be released sometime during the next 3 years. It probably doesn't exist, but no matter since the President probably ordered new bibles be sent to the Muslim prisoners at Gitmo to replace their flushed Korans. Its Christmas you know!

All in all, our President and his staff are full of Christmas spirit!! Cutting those social services budgets, paring down Pell Grants even more, holding back endorsements/funding for important investigations displaying various criminal activities going on within the administration; and of course, downplaying the number war wounded thus decreasing the amount of money needed to treat disabled Veterans...it makes sense from their perspective.

So, on one hand the likes of O'Reilly and Limbaugh, both draft evaders, spout on about the secular war on Christmas and on the other George and the Boys try to act as anti-Christian as possible with Americans, Iraqis and Afghanistanis.

In conclusion, Will Hunting from the movie, Good Will Hunting, said it best: "Politicans send in the Marines to secure the area cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old jo cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks."

"...Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? Christ, I could be elected President!"

Tell Them What They Need To Hear!!

President in a Bubble is having a difficult time selling Iraq these days due to a rise in insurgency, over 2000 American deaths, criticism from Iraq leaders and lastly, just unable to get it together.

Abu Ghraib and various other sites displayed Americans using torture techniques with at least a nod from the Secretary of Defense and the White House. Now, PIAB and Ms. Rice are attempting to convince not only us, but the entire world this nation never engaged in torture and scrupuously observed all international treaties regarding such.

Though educated, I must ask the following question: do you think we are damn stupid and have the memory of a dead walnut? Come on, people, we recall too plainly the numbness felt when all those ugly pictures of Abu Ghraib came out and your incessant chanting that "enemy combatants" had no rights. Your justification of torture as legitimate and necessary to save American lives and now you are trying to convince us it never happened.

Prozac can work wonders for you type of affliction and I must hardily recommend a trained mental health professional, preferably a PhD psychologist to help with you various problems. Cuz you certainly have them and not many of us.

Get it together or resign your positions, please....its time credibility, honor and honesty reentered our White House and obviously, you're not the ones..

Bill O'Reilly-Space The Final Frontier

Bill O'Reilly is having a difficult time making points about life and Christmas. His listnership has fallen off considerably and one gets the impression Bill was counting on his annual War On Christmas by the illusionary secularists routine to return him among the impaired leaders again. Unfortunately, Bill is a victim of his own lack of research and a more severe problem, not engaging brain prior to speaking.

His basic premise concerning Christmas was undercut by Fox Network selling all type of seasonal trinkets which had Holiday Greetings printed upon them. Of course, Bill had stated this was tantamount to treason and one would be justified to punch a person in the mouth who stated such, but O'Reilly backed down since he owes too much to them. After all, they paid his 12 million dollar settlement to the Associate Producer Bill sexually harassed and now he is somewhat indebted. To top it off, the President of the United States own greeting card also states Holiday Greetings again making Bill look like a schmuck. He just can't win!

He continues to insist he was from Levittown when he wasn't....grew up in the next town over in more affluent circumstances including private parochial schools, later a private expensive Catholic college and a two year jaunt to England for study as well (ironically, avoiding the draft by doing this!)

He continues to insist his parents were blue collar working class....but, father was a CPA who worked for a defense contractor and mother was a physical therapist-hardly blue collar working class.

Makes a big deal of his father never making more than $35,000 yearly. Of course, $35,000 in 1967 was equivalent to $95,000 today according to the Department of the Treasury which means, combining her professional salary as well, meant they weren't exactly poor. That was a lot of money considering GIs were getting $98 month starting pay.

Bill graduated from high school in 1967 and immediately enrolled in Marist College to receive his draft deferment. The Vietnam War was not going very well with losses at their highest point in 1968 when Bill decided to go to London for further study. Ironically, this was at the same time Bill Clinton was there, but no inference is made. It also meant O'Reilly could not be drafted since he was still in school, but also in a foreign land. He did return later when the draft was winding down and had little to fear from induction. His English studies were very strategic to assist his draft evasion.

One must ask what O'Reilly feared from being inducted into the armed forces? All his blustering right wing rhetoric seems to indicate he would have been a prime candidate for the infantry fighting in the dense Vietnam jungles, but like many of his Republican cohorts blowing so hotly since their draft was avoided also. You see, Bill was another silver spoon boy who had difficulty making decisions much less accepting civic responsibility. His current ego indicates it was someone else's problem and certainly not his until his sexually harassed his associate producer and Fox had to shell out $12 million.

In fact, Bill doesn't like to discuss the Vietnam War period and one senses the inveitable question of why he wasn't drafted or at least serve in some component will appear. Its a fair question, but chances are a straight answer could never be obtained from him. He's too busy emulating Joe McCarthy who at least served, but certainly not in the distinctive and heroic manner he bragged of.

Take it from me, Bill. You would have been a better person for serving and would have least learned your father didn't have to make all the decisions for you. Did you spend much time in France while hiding out from the draft?

Memories of Grandma

There are many fond memories of my Grandparents from my Iowa farm upbringing. Those recollections are regarded with warmness of days gone by in a different time. My Grandmother was 39 years old for 42 more years and that was all there was to it. One did not ask nor challenge her age since it was not proper and downright dangerous to boot. One time the new county tax assessor committed a drastic error by listing my Grandmother's date of birth and actual AGE on the assessment form. Those prior had simply written 39 in pencil and left it at that, but not this new one who was doing it by the book! She thrust it in front of me to reaffirm what she had read which was quickly done. A few seconds passed before I realized she was already out the door and waiting in the car for me to take her to Marshalltown to straighten this matter out with the "young whippersnapper." Grandma was unusually quiet while going there which is not a good sign. She perked up upon my parking in the county courthouse parking lot and bounded out the car with a fierce abandon while telling me to stay put since it wouldn't take long. She returned a few minutes later with a fire in her eye stating the matter had to be taken up with a higher power which I assumed meant a higher county organ for redress. Days passed and then she received a letter from the County Assessor apologizing for the previous form and promising the "inaccurate" age would never happen again. The letter was read to her and the age listed on the form quickly stated also. She smiled broadly in anticipation of my next question which was who was the higher power. Grandma quickly stated everyone has a mother, who should be respected, but the real power is the Grandmother. My Grandma has simply phoned his Grandmother relaying the troublesome deed thrust upon her by her grandson. Apparently, his Grandmother had made a special courthouse trip to inform the young one this type of behavior would not be tolerated and he had better change his ways. The frustrated assessor quickly consented much less he miss out on wonderful holiday dinners and a letter was quickly dispatched to those offended. Grandmother power is universal!
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Another memory of her is the unique way she would always address anything medically wrong with a woman, including the common cold, as a "female problem." Aunt Doris had a female problem and had to undergo an appendectomy while cousin Carol also had a female problem and gave birth to twins. Her references to male family members were quite different and much more precise. Uncle Clyde had a duodenal ulcer which was related in great detail while preciseness was denoted when another male family member had to have surgery in his private area. Related by my Grandmother, he had surgery to corrected one testicle that was hanging lower than the other one and hopefully it would make him work harder at delivering a grandchild. One day I asked her why she went to such lengths to describe all women's medical issues as female problems while going into such great detail with men. She looked at me, smiled, and proceeded to educate me in the ways of the world. It was gently explained women had to put up with a lot and naturally, had a right to protect their civility whenever possible. Consequently, the right existed to regard any medical issue as private and the same did not exist for men since they lacked gentility. It was her way of saying don't buck the system and you'll be fine. It was a way of giving respect to the ladies for the hard work they did to raise the kids, maintain the farm, etc., which generally was not extolled. Therefore, don't take away a portion of their dignity by making it an issue. I didn't and remained a sparkle in her eye!
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Every rural community had a drunk, floozie, gossip and other erstwhile characters which made up the fabric of that local society. Now, our local gossip lived north on the next farm over and was still trying to get over her husband leaving her for another woman. Of course, the gossip sort of forced her husband to leave with incessant chatter, recriminations and threats which finally did him in to the point where he threw up his hands and said, why not? He left and 15 years later, Evelyn was still complaining. One day she told a whopper to a new beau in her life about something my Grandfather had supposedly said causing him to drive over to our farm. Granddad was in the fields and I had returned to gas up another tractor. I noticed this car pull up and an older man get out of the vehicle. Voices quickly raised and I headed for the house yard immediately just as my Grandmother picked up the broom, never a good sign in anger. The man was calling my Grandfather a variety of names and I made the suggestion he should leave while the going was good. He quickly addressed me in an expletive deletive and before I could address the situation, Grandma was after him with the broom launching direct jousts with occasional upper cuts and crosses. The guy fled in holy fear to his car, but it didn't end there. My Grandmother, all 135 pounds of her 5' frame quickly grabbed a brick and heaved it with such precision it broke his rear car window. I stood in amazement wondering why no professional baseball team had not drafted this amazing talented woman with such a fantastic pitching arm. I went to her and found she was laughing so hard to the point of tears. She said only the acts were regretted, but no one said bad things about her family; only she and Granddad had that right. Besides, this would give the "old heifer" (Evelyn) something to crow about and probably mean weeks of peace from telephone calls.
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Rest in peace, Grandma. I miss you more than you know!!

But Its Different When It's Me!!!

Rush Limbaugh seems to be losing his grip after failing to stymie personal medical records release to authorities. Limbaugh is being investigated for doctor shopping, money laundering, illegal possession of narcotics, etc., since his housekeeper went public on him. He acquired painkillers through numerous physicians, termed "doctor shopping" and illegal, as well as apparently using his housekeeper to score more on a weekly basis using bank withdrawals of under $10,000 to prevent federal notice of the financial transaction.

Prior to that, Rush had been an avid golfer though claiming back injury after being outed caused his addiction to painkillers. He had been through at least one treatment program prior to his legal troubles and quickly went to another Tucson for a quickie stay. Anyone familiar with drug addiction can readily relate a week or thirty days of in-house treatment will not cure the affliction. Addiction is a major problem in this nation requiring drug program admission, counseling, psychological analysis and much more. The first obstacle is getting beyond the denial which Limbaugh seems to have the most difficulty with. He appeared to be somewhat sincere at first with his on-air apology, but then lapsed into the primary reason for his addiction being "the permissive Clinton years." The whole idea of "individual choice" he pushed earlier seemed to fall by the wayside in lieu of those permissive Clinton times. Not very believable, Rush!!

There are times when the best treatment is simply letting an individual listen to their own words and then judge for themselves rather than blathering in denial. Howard Stern, whom is not on my favorite list either, recent played audio tapes on his August 4, 2005, show of Rush lambasting drugs, the legal system sentences and addicting being a personal choice. You can listen to his comments from Stern's show by following this link, http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/08/01.html

Normally, one should show compassion for anyone suffering depending upon the amount of remorse, honesty and efforts displayed by the suffering person. In this case, Rush has not displayed remorse, honesty nor any efforts than denial regarding his drug use or alleged violations of state and federal statutes. Consequently, he is fully deserving of hypocrisy since prior show statements indicate his feelings regarding drug culture:

"We're going to let you destroy your life. We're going to make it easy and then all of us who accept the responsibilities of life and don't destroy our lives on drugs, we'll pay for whatever messes you get into."
-- Rush Limbaugh (Lack of) Show, Dec. 9, 1993

"I'm appalled at people who simply want to look at all this abhorrent behavior and say people are going to do drugs anyway let's legalize it. It's a dumb idea. It's a rotten idea and those who are for it are purely 100 percent selfish."
-- Rush Limbaugh (Lack of) Show, Dec 9, 1993

"If (Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders) wants to legalize drugs, send the people who want to do drugs to London and Zurich, and let's be rid of them.
-- Rush Limbaugh (Lack of) Show, Dec 9, 1993

"There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.

"What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use. Too many whites are getting away with drug sales. Too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too."
-- Rush Limbaugh (Lack of) Show, Oct. 5, 1995
(Source: Conspiracy Planet)
http://www.buzzflash.com/analysis/03/10/ana03004.html

"It's kind of like sentencing. A lot of people say that we have a heavy sentence for this crime and a light sentence for another crime, and what we ought to do is reduce the heavy sentence so it's more in line with the other. Wrong. In most cases we ought to increase the light sentence and make it compatible with the heavy sentence, and be serious about punishment because we are becoming too tolerant as a society, folks, especially of crime, in too many parts of the country."
-- Rush Limbaugh. October 5, 1995 (lack of) show transcript.
http://www.takebackthemedia.com/gophotwrush.html

"Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be
convicted and they ought to be sent up."
-- Rush Limbaugh. October 5, 1995 show transcript.
http://www.takebackthemedia.com/gophotwrush.html

Now To Move It Down The Road......

Well, my name is Karl Rove and things are getting rather warm for me right now. Seem like when all these fine folk try to help, I just get deeper and deeper into the doo doo. I've told them several time to back off and just let the investigation take its course, but to no avail since the President thinks he now best which means a different spin each week.

Consequently, I am considering setting up in an entirely different field to make a living; a field where I can truly exert myself with full confidence and blissful pride forever growing. I want to go into the manure business; get a small spread, a few head of cows, some pigs, goats, bull, or maybe more and then let them graze, do their thing, and then I can superscoop it up, bring it back to the far, add my secret ingredients and make a mint of money rather than advise Dubya of his destiny. After all, he has talks with God which take up most of his time anyway and he won't miss me turd kicking at all. I am so excited to be back in the turds again. Finally, an aroma I can call my home!!

Those darn reporters won't come out see me then since the aroma will drive them away. Oh, yessss, and Scottie McClellan will like this too since it drives them away. In fact we could have executive meetings here since the President will like the old home smell of camel dung. It will be delightful.

Now, if only there was a way to get the Special Prosecutor a good whiff of this. Then he would lost focus and I would no longer be within his view. Sometimes he frightens me, but My Bud Guckert told me to be a good little Marine and I will be. After all, he was the best morale booster seen in the White House since I have been around. Just so much pananche and blitz appeal. He will help defend me against the Fourth Estate Hoard.

Enough of this, for I am Karl "Walking On Water" Rove by the right wing press....I just wish they would all shut up and let SA Fitzgerald do his job. Just want it over so I can go back to my favor crushing office in the White House. I like walking with the President-he swears a lot and it makes me excited; stimulates my thoughts. He was a cheerleader in college, you know.

Firefox Gains Popularity...

Firefox has gained immensive popularity as both an individual and business internet browser due to its simplicity of operation, speed and security. Installation is simple to say the least, but the real treats were the controls IE initially lacked: popups, spam and effective cookie control. They are relatively easy to set up and then can be with a simple click to identify the culprits.

Like many others, I started out initially using the Netscape browser and liked its overall ease of use and GUI. Then along came the Microsoft IE 1.0 and suddenly I was running two browsers instead of just the Netscape. Eventually, I scrapped Netscape completely and went solely to Internet Explorer with 6.02 being the last version. Somewhere during its use, awareness began of nasty little things called cookies and a third party vendor product was found to have control over them. Soon, it was noted control was not enough as my Norton Anti-Virus was not able to control certain invasions occurring.

Changes began in 2001 when a new computer was purchased along with broadband service and with this came a whole new attitude towards safety and security. Norton AV was scrapped and others were surveyed to determine which would be best for my needs and the winner: Kaspersky. Checkout firewalls as well and deviated away from Norton to initially McAfee and now ZoneAlarm Wireless Pro. AntiSpyware was the new war, however, and this was even a more difficult decision to make. Kaspersky does a good job at identifying viruses, trojans, and worms in addition to certain spyware. What I needed was an excellent anti-spyware to do the job to the point where security and reliability was believed in.

The conclusion arrived at after quite a bit of research was two different anti-spyware programs were needed instead of one. Microsoft Antispyware is already mire in controversy with its inclusion of CLARIA, a nasty piece of spyware which MS now owns. Initially, I began with something many use today-Adware, and then moved up to a peripheral, Spyware Blaster (an excellent product) coupled with Spybot Search and Destroy. A good piece of software, but there were lapses in updates which caused me to look around again to another product, PestPatrol. PestPatrol does good work, but my learning showed me each piece of anti-spyware approaches the beasties differently and one had to select the best one for your use and satisfaction. PestPatrol was gravitated away from for another excellent product, GIANT Antispyware. I was happy, regular updates attention, finding the bad guys and then it happened!!!>>>Microsoft purchased them. Before I knew, MS had pared down the original program to a semblance and even worse, it no longer detected the way it had before. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Finally, I found an excellent product called CounterSpy which is utterly fantastic, regular updates, security reports and makes me feel wanted. Spy Sweeper is run concurrently and they work well together to keep my system clean. MS Anti-spyware has a problem with either of these installed so it was cast upon the pile as a formerly good product before Bill got hold of it.

Meanwhile, all these security updates were rolling in for MSIE and I began feeling somewhat dubious of its safety. Again, the research began and suddenly there was Firefox and Mozilla.
It was a whole new world without the usual struggles with ActiveX security concerns, cookies and incessant updates. Now, Firefox 1.06 and Mozilla 1.7.10 are being run concurrently until Mozilla releases a Firefox Suite.

The Mozilla Foundation recently announced it would be discontinuing its Mozilla Suites in the future to concentrate solely on Firefox and an eventual suite. This, of course, is not good news for Bill Gates and Microsoft as Internet Explorer popularity has waned a great deal due to the well publicized federal monopoly suit, state versions, security problems and cost. Thunderbird has really applied itself during the past few versions and made substantial improvements. An integration between Firefox, Thunderbird and Sunbird for the calendar function would be ideal for many of us. And what is the single factor that makes Bill Gates and his staff go completely bonkers-their all free!!! While MS charges outrageously for various pieces of software for individuals, it really hits businesses with similarly outrageous fees for licenses. Time for a reality check, Bill.....Linux can be had free or purchased for a reasonable fee; Mozilla products are free; thus what is the picture being drawn here. Does one pay $225 dollars or so for OfficeXP or obtain something like OpenOffice free of charge. Duhhhhhhhhhh!!
Regardless, Firefox is fun and I encourage anyone who hasn't download a copy to do so and install for a fun time. And don't forget to download Thunderbird and Sunbird while you're at it. After installation, go to your bookmarks and click Mozilla Update, and then find extensions and themes. You will be amazed to see the variety of themes to be download and even more so by the number of extensions, commonplace ideas developed, you can find. Give it a try and see what you are missing using IE.

Us and Them

Goodness, gracious, John Byrne at Raw Story and Ron Brynaert at Why Are We Back In Iraq did the hardcore research that elaborated and expanded on the Rude Pundit's initial reporting showing Baa Baa Ann Coulter apparently plagiarized a column. This isn't surprising since charges of the same regarding her "books" substantiated major errors in facts, footnotes and overall lack of scholarship, but no lawsuit ensued from any quarter. Poor Baa, Baa, she just can't seem to find her groove lately after receiving criticism from both progressive and conservative quarters. Her latest escapade involves criticizing President Bush for selecting John Roberts as a Supreme Court Justice nominee after a shameful episode of cajoling 9/11 survivors. She's in it for the bucks and creating sensationalism is her stock in trade regardless of the subject.

___________________________________________________________________

Let's hear it for Karl Rove and the White House. They are spinning out excuses for Rove's questionable conduct faster than Dennis Rodman changing wedding gowns in his prime. Pointer George continues to qualify the previous qualification to his qualification about firing anyone who leaks classified information since doing so would mean him dismissing the President. It's readily apparent Karl needs to take a hike to Baghdad and remain there in an attempt to avoid the Special Prosecutor's tentacles, but then again he would do even more to disrupt the fledgling Iraqi government. Now a State Department memo has come forth showing the document Rove and Stephen Hadley, now National Security Adviser, learned about Plame from was classified TOP SECRET and her paragraph was designated SECRET. All in all, it’s a pretty pathetic scene with administration apologists still attacking former Ambassador Joe Wilson as a diversion. Accepting this type of behavior from employees is similar to the current president's father pardoning lawbreaking Iran-Contra participants. Either way, the symbolism is sad to fathom.
_____________________________________________________________________
Microsoft has announced the name of their wholly new operating system, codename Longhorn, to be Windows Vista. The new system will be a cross between Apple, Windows 3.1, 3.11, 95, 98, 98SE, XP, XP64, DOS, Atari and Sen. Oren Hatch. Does this make sense? All except Atari have a relationship, but the continually high cost of MS operating systems, perpetual security flaws and constant updates doesn’t jive either.
_____________________________________________________________________II I find myself concerned about people believing in conservatism very deeply and echoing the anti-liberal statements being somewhat condescending and labeling in their dialogues. Those seeking to use invectives, condescension or name calling of anyone representing an intellectual challenge should ponder Ann Coulter’s words:

"A central component of liberal hate speech is to make paranoid accusations based on their own neurotic impulses, such as calling Republicans angry, hate-filled, and mean." Her book, Slander, p. 19).

"Liberals don't try to win arguments, they seek to destroy their opponents and silence dissident opinions." ibid, p. 91)

"Political debate with liberals is basically impossible in America because liberals are calling names while conservatives are trying to make arguments...It's really all the same lie [that liberals tell], that conservatives are either stupid or scarily weird and therefore you don't have to deal with their ideas." http://users.rcn.com/skutsch/anticoulter/evilstupid.html

Interesting she is placing the onus on “liberals,” but thus far my only experiences with lack of civility has been with those affiliated with the right wing. Being neither left nor right, I write what is felt and leave it at that; then I am accused of not having my facts straight or just a “damn liberal”. I am only human, but research my facts very carefully before writing. Perhaps its that alone that frustrate some with my articles about Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh. Nobody’s perfect and one has to accept human weakness along with the myth these two perpetuate about themselves. The real problem here is how President Bush and his true believers have successfully divided Americans into labeled categories of us and liberals. Good way to generate anger, level hostility and perpetuate the myth any problem was started by a liberal. Its simply amazing to see this happening since my relatives underwent the same thing in Germany during WWII since they were not of the right thinking species, “eggheads,” and therefore had to be declared enemies of the states since they refused to cooperate. They died in Auschwitz rather than become Nazis. Anger is a very dangerous thing in the hands of some who know not how to control it.

Next Time.....

2005, 1878, USA, Iraq

They came into my country spreading along like insects at night. Their cannons raked the villages and extended beyond like a distant rainstorm. They wore funny hard hats with cloth covering their eyes from sights chosen not to see. We were promised much to give up what we had, but those words were empty. We were viewed as enemy if we did not cooperate. They wanted our support, our ideas, our culture, our land, and our souls.

I remember walking across land beautiful from the spring rain as far as the eye could see. The water was clean and one could sleep safely at night listening to the sounds only nature could make. Now houses cloud my land, the water is impure and sleeping outside only means arrest or assault. It is confusing to see this happen, but the occupiers claim this is progress. Trees reach toward the sky in a silent plea for help while the military prowls like an angry pack of dogs and the outcasts stalk them like predators.

My family is told their beliefs are wrong by those claiming to be the new way. They came to this land following the military to change our way of life. Our deity is the same as the one they worship, but their beliefs revolve around a sense of superiority over others. They have no respect for us or our beliefs created centuries ago. What seems to matter is following their way, listening to their words and becoming what they desire which means everything we treasure will be gone.

Our women become frightened when the angry ones are around. They whistle, hoot and holler disrespectful things towards them and our complaints are not heard. Their words reflect cultural superiority, but their actions indicate disbelief with their own sacredness. They are hollow people whose respect is only for domination of any culture through the barrel of a gun rather than wisdom and knowledge.

My eyes are saddened to see this occupier come to this land spreading like locusts with their idea of civilization. The Old Ones say this will pass, but the land is beng churned for minerals and land sold off for profit. It is confusing to me since it isn't known why they are here nor what the value of their civilization is since so much is based on power and money.

What is the value of life to those who assault the land, kill the wildlife and disdain those who like upon it? There must be good people in their land, but their voice is so silent. This is sad to me since they profess liberty, democracy and freedom while their soldiers cover my land. They tell us of these things while we fear for our lives under their rule. All their ideas and modern things bring only despair while others try to make money off our fear.

I will go back to my sacred spot and pray for my people. They are slowly losing hope and lives due to violence, disease and futility. It is only right for us to honor them and pray the occupiers leave soon for us to survive. Their method of civilization means destroying us only to change us. Change is hard when their words are hollow and promises broken. Their only enemy is themselves.

Tears of the Sun Musings

Watching Tears Of The Sun, starring Bruce Willis, about a SEAL team extracting an American doctor and several patients from potential massacre in Nigeria. Difficult not to think about massive deaths in Rwanda occurring over the past few years with very little being said in main stream press about this tragedy. Then again, there are so many tragedies going on in this world today with little regard being given.
________________

Does any actor look so natural in a Navy uniform than Tom Skeritt?
________________

Question to those who have never served and yet advocate war so easily>if killing is so easy, then why does everyone vomit after the first kill?
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Karl Rove personifies those who never learn to do wrong knowlingly. They always seem to have a pious justification for every action compromising principle or morality. He's never served in uniform nor vomited after the first kill.
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There are too many in this nation claiming the mantle of leadership without regard to the oath sworn or the people represented. Values and morality advocated are their own and are made impulsively to fit a given situation. Why>reelection, a sound byte, a better deal or anything to create positive public relations. Is this why my buddy threw himself on a grenade to save us in the Nam?
________________

Hate is a four letter word signifying dislike, ill will for, loathing or despisement. How is it so many in this great nation came to hate anyone from the Middle East yet espouse their Christianity based upon a messiah of Middle Eastern birth? Would it have been any different if Jesus had been born in Cleveland or Detroit instead of Bethlehem? Probably not since many find a reason to dislike or hate when nothing is apparent; illusion is easier than truth and more convenient than dialogue. What is it about our moral and political leadership that uses hatred so easily as a tool to waltz convince the populace to go down the path without concern for those who feel the emotion or the recipients. Ironic that so many who hate in these leader positions have never participated in the ramifications of such actions nor seem to have compassion for those, i.e. Veterans, who have honored their wishes with courage, valor and sacrifice. If only true believers would believe........
_______________

The common tools of effective propaganda: glittering generalities, assertions, fear, insinuation device>leading question, lying/distortion, insinuation, simplification and card stacking/selective omission. You probably have been a victim at one time or another if their definition is not really known. More on this later.
_______________

Knowledge is power. College educations are costing more while many are increasingly denied the opportunity to achieve one. Illiteracy is a growing problem in this nation with many giving various reasons for the growing statistic. Bottom line is forget the blame, let's provide an education for all regardless.

Where in the World?

• Almost 50% of the high school seniors in Baltimore, Maryland could not locate the United States on a world map.
  
• 95% of American college freshmen tested could not locate Vietnam on a world map.
  
• 75% of Americans responding to a nationwide survey could not locate El Salvador on a map.
  
• 63% of Americans could not name the 2 nations involved in SALT (Strategic Arms Limitation Talks).
  

Joint Resolution Television station WNEV in Boston surveyed high school seniors in 8 cities in 1987 to see what they knew about the U.S. and the world. This is what they found:

• 39% of Boston seniors could not name the 6 New England States
  
• 63% of Minneapolis seniors could not name all seven continents
  
• 25% of Dallas seniors could not identify the country that borders the U.S. on the south
  
• 58% of Dallas seniors were unable to name Vietnam as the Southeast Asia country from which the U.S. withdrew in 1975.
  

http://www.rehydrate.org/facts/global_illiteracy.htm

Our nation's literacy rate has not been tabulated since 1979 when the government claimed it was 97%. Various stats have been noted since, but it would be fair to state the 1979 figure is no longer accurate. Seemingly, there is a movement to return to the age of my Grandparents, rest their souls, where making a living was more important than earning an education. My Grandparents, however, the recipients of approximately 3 formal years of education, always emphasized the importance of knowledge based on their Depression Years experiences. They knew the first language our Declaration of Independence was published in-do you? Meanwhile, less Americans can effectively read, write or speak; nativism has replaced study of foreign languages; and masses are more easily led by disinformation.

Bottom line: Ignorance benefits from an impoverished mind; and a mind is too important to waste.


Elwood

The Sith Strikes Back

The President of the United States will be holding a special news conference to discuss the Karl Rove situation among other items. Here is his press secretary, Sponge Scott McClellan, coming to the podium to begin denials;

Sponge: Good Morning, it has been a hectic week and remember, no Karl Rove questions since we are committed to let the investigation continue unimpeded since that wasn't done before while we were touting his innocence. Times change.

Press: What is the White House relationship to Robert Novak who actually printed the name of the CIA operative?

Sponge: The White House has always enjoyed Mr. Novak's columns and the President was happy to extend him a government contract for over $125,000 to continue that good work.

Press: Are you saying Novak was paid by this administration to disseminate your ideas leading to the outing of a CIA agent?

Sponge: Not at all, that unfortunate outing was the result of a sloppy clerical error committed by an E-2 who is now on his way to the Attu Islands. No big deal.

Press: Unfortunately, it is a violation of Title 50, the Intelligence Identities Protection Act for anyone to name an agent, operative, informant or source. So how is it not a big deal.

Sponge: (writing feverishly away, stops) What was the name of that Act again? The Intelligence Identities Protection Act. Okay, no problem, we'll have the President take it off the books this afternoon and it won't be a problem anymore. Bingo.....

Press: I don't believe this....the President cannot just submerge a law whenever. This can only occur with Congress through powers delegated by the Constitution.

Sponge: Oh, yeah!! We froze the Reagan and His Daddy's presidential records didn't we?

Press: When will the President be here? (he comes walking in onto the podium)

PIB: President In A Bubble here. Good morning, everyone, and isn't life wonderful when you omit so much of it?

Press: Mr. President, do you still have faith in Karl Rove?

PIB: Who?? Oh, Turd Blossom, you mean. Of course, he's only getting a few riled up. Happened all the time in Texas. Too many people got their bowels in an uproar.

Press: What is your position on him assisting to out a CIA agent?

PIB: Gosh, I love the smell of controversy in the morning when its recognizable to me. Been having these awful allergy attacks and think liberals may have something to do with it.

Press: Could you answer the question, Mr. President.

PIB: Yes, I don't believe Turd Blossom would do that without my express order.

Press: Did you place that order?

PIB: Of course, ham on rye with a touch of mayo and maybe a couple of Lone Star beers on the side.

Press: No, order Karl Rove to assist in outing a CIA agent?

PIB: Hey, I may be dumb, but I am not stupid. Karl can do his own dirty work, thats what he was hired for. All I ask is he doesn't get the press to ask me if I still have confidence in him or want to fire him and all that stuff.

Press: Do you?

PIB: Didn't I just answer that?

Press: Your popularity rating has gone down, Americans are questioning your honesty, Iraqi terror attacks have increased insurmountably and unemployment is up again.

PIB: Yep, now what's your point?

Press: Could you please comment on these?

PIB: Okay....my popularity is always high since I write the polls; my honesty being questioned-impossible since I don't have that much; Iraqis should just stop this crap and let us build up the corporate structure need for Americans to own their country. Then the influential ones could be paid off and peace would reign. Unemployment means people out of work who don't want to work anyway. Its disgusting and not the American way.

Press: Will you testify under oath regarding the Karl Rove accusations?

PIB: Puleasssssssseeee....I am the oath so why double dipp? Look, Alberto told me I make the laws since I say them; and then we'll get him over to the Supreme Court to back me up on everything. Just keep Dan Quayle away cause I don't want comparisons to him.

Press: Mr. President, don't you have the slightest moral qualm about what you are doing?

PIB: As opposed to what? I am the best trained corporate man in the business who happens to find the White House each day, rain or shine except when I'm away. The American people love me; in fact, just the other day I was in Ohio and all those Librul papers said laid off workers would be protesting me since over 3,000,000 lost their jobs to outsourcing. Not that way at all..why Laura and I did such a haul on all those wonderful fruit, vegetables and eggs people were throwing to us. Never saw such big tomaters in my life, but that one egg was a bit smelly. Gave it to my Secret Service man to eat the next morning just to see if it was poisoned.

Press: Okay, Mr. President. I think we have everything in perspective. Will you make a statement of support for Karl Rove?

PIB: Who??? Turd Blossom....it depends on how deep he is in the doo doo. Bad-turn my back so fast he'll hear only a high wind like Ken Lay did; not so bad, he can come back to the office and we can drink Grape Nehis together and chat about the good one just put over.

I just love the way I operate; and everybody believes me. Two hooves good; 4 hooves better.

Computer Mental Health Problem

Just think about your poor innocent desktop, laptop or notebook computers....They serve you well and then placed back into the closet, beside the desk, under the bed and very seldom ask what they want to do. This trauma after being subjected to worms, viruses, phishing, Trojans, spyware and at times, indelicate humans. Now the psychological profession has created criteria to diagnose a new mental affliction: POST TRAUMATIC CYBERNETIC CHALLENGE DISORDER (PTCCD). Its a particular nasty affliction marked by episodes of depression, rubber smell, electrode dissension, CPU disorder and a fleeting desire to watch the first movie episode of Matrix repeatedly. Specialized computer mental health professionals are hard at work trying to find a treatment for this malady, but feel you, the public, can immediately assist by bonding with your specific computer to establish a firm social and personal relationship.

Consequently, The CPPTCCD (The Committee To Prevent Post Traumatic Cybernetic Challenge Disorders) (TCTPPTCCD) has outlined the following recommendations for all computer owners:

1. Take your computer for a walk and converse like anyone else listening to their ideas, sorrows, banters and dreams. Understandably, this may seem embarrassing at first in public, but gently place your unit in a baby stroller and pretend its your little bundle. Eventually, the actions will become commonplace and its easier to explain a new delivery than talking to a laptop. The best times are early in the morning while the CMOS battery is at peak power, ready to go and so are you.

2. Sit on a park bench, enjoy the sun and listen to either Alan Jackson or Beethoven. Computers seem to thrive on this music particularly a bass metallic sound. Develop a cultural bound when ascertaining which genres your unit prefers. Depending on age, some may prefer the quiet melodious sounds of classical while the younger may want to rock out to Hip-Hop or Rap. Well, give them Snoop Dogg Dogg and watch the happiness exude from the protective cover. Regardless, you will see a change in your unit particularly the young ones as more enjoyment and price develops. Don't be too concerned about the bandana hanging loose; or the signs given when you boot up or down at certain times. The older ones may tend to be cantankerous and demand to listen to Bruce Springsteen, Pink Floyd or Iron Butterfly. Just provide the melodious sounds for them and watch how fast they fall asleep. The poor little darlings need their relaxation and rest.

3. Activities to stimulate libidos and process some sort of stimulation to the opposite gender CPU. Stay away from the bawdy internet cafes and try to cloister more around viewing new computer commercials where the recent models are seen as buff and toned. An experiment showed Mac, Windows and Linux reacted positively to this stimulation and wanted to date the new Apple MiniMacs right away. Controlling your computer and placing activity limits is the hallmark of a responsible owner.

4. It is up to you to determine proper unit behavior and development within Committee recommendations to prevent TCTPPTCCD:

a. No inhaling compressed fresh air for a high.

b. Please, no Hamster Dance since loose circuits will result.

c. Observe at all times and DO NOT let the unit interconnect through another’sUSB if you desire Cyber Virginity.

d. Unsupervised parking with owner supervision should not be allowed due to a tendency towards meltdown during stimulating activities.

e. Closely watch AMD units since they are wild and wooly; go to the limit; and believe their is no tomorrow.

f. Provide a rocking chair for any computer named Commodore or Sinclair.

g. Any issue with compassion, concern and more memory.

You will notice a difference once these steps are put into place and eventually will take your unit everywhere just like another family member. Be careful not to overdo it since some humans may become concerned by your emphasis towards regarding the computer as your son, Larry for example. You might want to consider drawing the line somewhere just to save yourself a few psychological office visits thrust upon you by the neighborhood, friends or family. Don’t despair for eventually everyone will be bonding with their computer and you will be a legacy.,

Rush Limbaugh Implodes!

RUSH'S MEDICAL RECORDS SUIT IS LOST!!
JUDGE DECIDES WHICH FILES GIVEN TO DA!!
RUSH BEGINS TO PERSPIRE AND THEN BREAKS OUT IN COORS!!

The affable, effervescent, windbag we know as Rush Limbaugh is facing a crisis of great multitude. His 19 month lawsuit seeking to prevent authorities from viewing his medical files for determining if a felony(ies) had been committed was lost. Now a Judge has sifted through all the papers and decided which will be seen by the prosecutor seeking possible charges of doctor shopping for narcotics, money laundering, possession of narcotics and many others. Rush's lawyers are shouting injustice, injustice, while others are silently hoping Rush has his day in court to determine whether innocent or guilty.

Mr. Limbaugh is best noted for his wicked distortions of facts to present a more affable and personalized point of view-his. Newsworthy items are often chopped up enough to begn seeing the liberal consipiracy in the baking of grandma's cake, probably laden with narcotics, or a poor Christina humanitarian dying in Iraq seeking to bring violence upon herself. His machinations are endless, but the real Rush is much more to fathom.

For all his pseudo-patriotism and blowing the horn, Rush Limbaugh has never served his country in uniform. Like many other hawks, Limbaugh used a medical reason to seek a draft deferment, an anal cyst, which isn't exactly life threatening. More so, it can be cured simply by a physcian lancing and then watching carefully for reinfection. In fact, Rush's facther had the same problem, but served more than honorably in World War II. Tis Limbaugh, however, felt that other people should be in uniform rather than him and received his deferment for a trivial condition while many others served honorably with far more serious conditions.

Rush has often criticized Vietnam Veterans and was particularly vicious a few years ago with comments concerning the homeless. In fact, Rush offered a solution to the whole social dilemma: simply picki them all up and bus them out. Not that he isn't socially conscious, but Rush failed to grasp one-third of those homeless were decorated Vietnam Vets who had a good chance of making it with a little understanding, therapy and kindness. Limbaugh's solution, however, was out of sight, out of mind; give them to someone's else's jurisdiction.

He did take flak for this and sort of recanted in a Rushian way. Controversy isn't new to him as many of us recall his quasi-racist statements concerning black athletes in the NFL which earned him a firing at ESPN. Rush's problem has always been with his words. He simply does not know how to arrange words in a dynamic flow to achieve a goal rather than being brusque and nearly abusive. His ESPN excuse was "they knew what they were getting when they hired me." That's true, but even Beano Cook was demoted for making racial comments on the air. Civility always plays an intricate part in the public communications market and Rush left his with one of his ex-wives.

He controls his stage very carefully like most outspoken pundits do. There was the time, however, when a mischievious Vietnam Vet got through to discuss John Kerry and then after setting Rush up, asked him why he wasn't drafted. Rush hummed, hawwed, blustered, and then blurted out a few fallacious lines about the military not having what he wanted and it was his choice not to serve. Gosh, he sure was in a different Selective Service that myself. It didn't work that way and millions in this nation know it from their own experiences. Finally, Rush hung up on the guy and then ranted and raved about him for the next hour.

What is it about looking at yourself in the mirror that bothers some of these outspoken commentators? O'Reilly getting busted for sexual harassment, but never really owning up to it after paying out something like $14 million to her. Michael Savage getting fired also from MSNBC for blurting out really idiotic and cruel remarks about AIDS sufferers. Ann Coulter getting canned from National Review, MSNBC and USA Today simply for being unprofessional. Yet to ask each of these, the primary reason was the liberal influence in today's media. Hardly, no one stood at their shoulder and suggested their various acts which resulted in their being noticed and/or apprehension. It's simply a fact that power accumulates with media visibility and with it develops a sense of sanctification; a feeling that they are above it all, even the law, and can do virtually anything and not have to worry about reprecussions.

Many have suffered from this the past few years and felt the stinging heat of light after being revealed. Martha Stewart convicted of lying to federal agents; Jimmy Swaggart committing sin with prostitutes, repenting, and then doing the same again; Jim Baker sodomizing a woman who filed charges eventually bringing down his empire; Richard Nixon-crook; Wilbur Mills; and many more who apparently felt their heightened status prevented any time of "little people" treatment towards them.

Reality is what it is. Diana Ross was busted in Tucson for drunken driving at 4AM. She was driving erratically and had been reported by citizens when she was stopped at a local closed video store seeking to return loaners. Her entire interlude was videotaped and later her attorney spent unlimited court hours trying to acquire that tape from the authorities. Meanwhile, Diana was convicted, but spent her jail time in a posh Connecticut facility where she was allowed to sign in and out. The Tucson authorities since have protested this incarceration and would really like for her to return to this city. She won't.

Bottom line is all should be equal under the law regardless, but we know this isn't so. There are many who doubt Rush Limbaugh or Michael Rove will be indicted, much less endure a court trial. I, for one, hope they both are and the facts brought out in a court of law to burst their little bubbles. It's time we realize the caliber of people many seem to idolize don't really possess strength of character nor another important feature, honor. Rove and Limbaugh has both abused their positions of trust with the American people and need to pay the price. In fact, they need to take several more with them as well, but it won't happen as attorneys are working round the clock to find technicalities. Regardless, they aren't the type of role models children need to emulate much less learn from.

Giant Heavenly Computer Dream

Occasionally this dream occurs where a giant computer is visualized controlling the entire planet Earth. The color is vivid, details succinct and Congress doesn't mangle the definition of spam. Its called a Giant Computer, but in reality no bigger than the former Mac Cube. The technology is highly advance to the point where my wandering fingers received a good jolt of joy juice when I attempted to look in. Not ready yet, I guess.......So I will observe and report back:

1. The operating system isn't Microsoft which means Bill Gates will not be entitled to residual licensing fees in the hereafter.

2. It's efficient and secure precluding security updates, critical updates, update updates, etc.

3. A finger moving in front of the monitor substitutes for the mouse. Middle finger action was not responsive whatsoever indicating Vice-President Dick Cheney hasn't used it.

4. One piece of software controlled everything from system to anything else needed. Our software industry would be devastated!! They would no longer be vendors......

5. Hackers, spyware creators, virus originators, etc. were automatically sent to the other place where they could obviously intrude on the really hot systems with specialists who will train them like the devil.

6. Computers are multifaceted audiovisual components where one could communicate, write, view, etc., on a wall mounted unit. And they were free due to the encouragement of knowledge dissemination.

7. No popups, popovers, popunders or advertising in any form. Just pure art, culture, books, plays, broadway, so much to see, so much to do. Even travel to Paris or London is a special portal to call a new play.

8. Linus Torvald is revered as a software deity who tried to bring free change to the masses.

9. The Blue Screen of Death is regarded a a computer history aberration meant to annoy rather than inform. Kinda like filling out a car before you use the bathroom.

10. Controls can be issued either verbally or through a virtual keyboard controlled by thought. All you have to do is send thoughts toward the keyboard and they mysteriously appear on the screen. You can do the same to have a conversation.

11. Their is a beautiful a beautiful scene depicting a blue sky, green grass and a single tombstone with MS RIP engraved on the outskirts.

12. Steve Jobs and Koz are working on some super products not revealed yet, but its cool..

13. Intellectual stimulation and competition is the norm instead of pursuing personal or collective gain.

14. Tux is in charge of overall morale and is currently planning a MS System Compter Shoot Skeet Contest using 105mm and 155mm howitzers. MS can also reply in kind as well. Slight problem, though, no projectile or powder in the howitzers so lets get those air guns going.

15. Lastly, it's only a dream, but they have an uncanny way of becoming reality to those bold enough to imagine. Where do you want to go today? Think! Just Imagine!

Where did they all go?