Sponge Scott McClellan, Pointer George's press secretary, read an official statement today regarding the unveiling of Deep Throat. The President made a mea culpa earlier in the day by declaring the movie had never been seen nor did he know what it meant. McClellan justified this with all the hard work accomplished by the President taking its toll on his sleep. Apparently, he has been awake for years.
McClellan, still yearning for the light of day, stated the President is happy to hear of the Felt Family announcement and appreciates the bravery it took to come forward. He disputed any cosmic ripples during that time period and added "it only took a good Republican president to calm the raging tides." There were no further questions.
Laura Bush concurred with this statement shortly after returning from Southwest Asia where she touted the women's freedom in Pakistan. Adamant in her proclamation, Ms. Bush refuted arguments women were not free there in spite of having to give up everything after marrying for home and family. She further pointed out her own career aspirations were not forfeited after marriage though as a librarian she hasn't handled books in years nor been in one.
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More documents have surfaced from the British depository attesting to Pointer George and Prime Minster Blair concocting entry into Iraq. One was a map apparently drawn by Bush which could have been interpreted as the Middle East or Europe of Australia or the theater where he saw Deep Throat back in 1973; but the significance was a tic-tac-toe game apparently played by both Bush and Blair to determine who went first. It was won by Bush by a slick line drawn through two Xs and then 90 degrees to another one. Deceptive perhaps, but a nonpluss winner.
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Deferment Dick Cheney, Vice-President, declared his disdain towards those scandalous reports of prisoner abuse in Gitmo. Cheney, appearing on an infomercial, stated his preference for male enhancement tablets compared to those "loose unsubstantiated reports" coming through "liberal pinko groups" who want only to "besmirch our noble efforts somewhere." He further denied any work being accomplished in office other than that approved by 2nd Lady Lynne Cheney in her published lesbian erotic novels. He is a most contrary man indeed.
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Has anyone noticed a similarity between the White House and American Idol.
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Final arguments are coming in the Michael Jackson trial and still the chimp has not been summoned to testify. No faith in the truth!!
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Paris Hilton is engaged. Does it really matter?
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Baa Baa Ann Coulter stated recently Fox News is the most balanced on the air today. Of course, she also believes in truth, justice and the American way under Senator Joseph McCarthy; the Easter Bunny appearing at a Christmas social; and Pointer George never telling a lie. She is a most deluded person.
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If the war in Iraq is going so well, then why aren't National Guardsmen home?
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Would you rather kiss Deferment Dick Cheney or sponsor him in a Jeff Gannon look-a-like contest?
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Whatever happened to Arnold Ziffel?
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The Supreme Court recently declared truth is an unecessary facet of a democracy since eruditic activity can undermine the economic progress of a government; and stall government contracts; and stymy the trickle up process from corporations; and cause the Halliburton board to become unhappy.
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Finally, an unusual chain of events forced General Motors to admit something. Seems they came out with a new SUV and were showing at various shows on the east coast. Problem was proper federally mandated documents were not displayed on the windows such as component origins. Seems the engine was made in China and GM really didn't want Americans to develop any attitude over this. The fact many autombile industry plants were closed and employees laid off isn't a reason to develop an adverse attitude towards GM building a new manufacturing plant in China to employ thousands. It just means Americans were unwilling to relocate for substandard wages, non-union representation and a totalitarian government. Other than that, what's new.
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