Ladies and Gentlemen, the Honorable Sarah Palin will address us in her capacity as Governor of the Great State of Alaska for the last time. She has seen her last Russian plane; the last view of Russia from her kitchen; and still has the Bridge to Nowhere. The Governor now speaketh:
Palin: Hi, everyone, I love you and know you love me even though my popularity ratings have nose dived into the Bering Sea. Sad, and just when I needed more per diem, Arctic Cat jackets, PACs and legal defense funds.
Okie, dokey, the problem here is not me; never me, but the media. Our brave soldiers are fighting in Kuwait just so the media can talk about my family. Its an outrage and I am personally mind sick over it!
I know there are 15 months left in my administration since I counted them last night while reading my seven figure book contract. Wow, a hockey mom writing a book and so far I have 252 blank pages. It's a start! Just so much to say about what is needed in this country to make me richer, hire enough attorneys to stay out of jail and maintain some kind of presence.
The Media is bad. Katie Couric, Charles Gibson and the rest asked me questions I wasn't prepared for and probably never will be. It was disgusting to sit there and have to think about what publications I read or my qualifications for vice-president. I read a lot, sometimes even more and really enjoy book pictures. Told them what a VP does, but too illiterate to understand. They should be ashamed as I am.
I will continue to further my agenda which is ever changing and promote good Americanism when it happens. Good Americanism is defined as whatever gives me more power, more account money and the ability to say things that don't make sense to dumb Americans. Its that simple and now I can do it with a seven figure book deal. $150,000 in two months for clothes was a spit in the old bucket!!
The silly ethics charges still plague me and recently I failed to respond to one about my legal defense fund. You know, there are some great sales out there and THEY claim I used the money wrongfully. Now, by law, I have to appear to defend myself. Don't they know I am the Governor Emeritus and don't have to do diddly. The Great Dick Cheney is in the same boat, but he sent his daughter out to defend his lawlessness. I can't do that since mine don't know what to defend and frankly, neither do I. Its a tough world for a hockey mom out of work and no pension.
It was all these cowpie bloggers that made me decide to resign, but a new saying went in the book: pulling a Palin. I really haven't quit that much, but perhaps a lot, but in a minor sense. Frankly, I resent calls to see my notarized high school diploma. Just another media trick to humiliate my Family, but it is difficult to recall which high school I quit. I went to four colleges and must have graduated from one. As of this moment, this hockey mom is a private citizen and will campaign for just about anyone if the price is right.
I am for good old American capitalism! Capitalism and not this silly socialism Obama stands for. Socialism is defined as anything that resembles My Space, FaceBook or Twitter without a profit. Twitter carries my message, but not far enough. People, I need a platform, preferably with a seven figure salary, to convey the message of the Republican party, the Alaska Independence Movement, oops, never mind, and other options which grant me stipends, contractual endoments, et. al.
Finally, being Governor of this Great State has been a blast. Doing absolutely nothing for months while lining up deals is one of the greatest enjoyments of life. Working at home, collecting the big per diem bucks, flying the kids on the state dole, spending more time out of state promoting myself rather than assisting with Alaskans home fuel crisis and finally, convincing the Republican big wigs I am a viable candidate for higher office is stressful. Hockey moms know how to handle this and I will always keep an eye on Putin over there who poses a threat to our way of life.
Nuff said....I am out of here, got to see my lawyers, bitch about Tina Fey though she provided good publicity (SNL paid good bucks), handle some ethics problems and make sure my ex-brother-in-law has some more issues. No questions since my hair can't take it. My kids will be along soon and you can ask them. This is Sarah Palin saying you won't have me to kick around any more and neither will I.
The Media sucks...now I have said it. Folks, don't believe anything they say about me, Todd, my Family or money I allegedly took under the table. or contractors who built our house for free. I have mouths to feed, wolves to shoot from helicopters and sponsors willing to pay for my mind...not much, but enough. Remember, American Capitalism is the best in the world and I, Sarah Palin, believe in attaining as much capital as possible. I'm gone, but have to remember what high school I attended....hmmmmmmm.
Wait, one more thing!! There is a rumor out there about Todd and I divorcing. Not true since he owes me too much and my religion forbids it, I think...will have to check with witch doctor. The despicable, uncouth National Enquirer is quoting 4 people as saying I had an affair with my husband's former business partner, Brad Hanson whom Todd divorced shortly thereafter for some reason. They even claim possession of a notarized statement, but whoopy do! I don't even know what an affair is much less engage in one. Would I dare do this after my daughter had a child out of wedlock and then after that scoundrel father of her baby, Levi, went about the country saying we knew he was doing the horizontal tango with her in our own house. Nein, nadda, nix, not so.! We don't even know what goes on in our own house much less someone having sex with our daughter...geeeeesssssshhhh. Okay, no affair, honest, no affair, I was Wasilla Mayor and much too busy building the Bridge to Nowhere, our free, oops, our house, making deals and driving the city into $23 million debt. Out of here again....Bye Alaska...why no response back? Why no cheers? Damn liberals!!!
Palin: Hi, everyone, I love you and know you love me even though my popularity ratings have nose dived into the Bering Sea. Sad, and just when I needed more per diem, Arctic Cat jackets, PACs and legal defense funds.
Okie, dokey, the problem here is not me; never me, but the media. Our brave soldiers are fighting in Kuwait just so the media can talk about my family. Its an outrage and I am personally mind sick over it!
I know there are 15 months left in my administration since I counted them last night while reading my seven figure book contract. Wow, a hockey mom writing a book and so far I have 252 blank pages. It's a start! Just so much to say about what is needed in this country to make me richer, hire enough attorneys to stay out of jail and maintain some kind of presence.
The Media is bad. Katie Couric, Charles Gibson and the rest asked me questions I wasn't prepared for and probably never will be. It was disgusting to sit there and have to think about what publications I read or my qualifications for vice-president. I read a lot, sometimes even more and really enjoy book pictures. Told them what a VP does, but too illiterate to understand. They should be ashamed as I am.
I will continue to further my agenda which is ever changing and promote good Americanism when it happens. Good Americanism is defined as whatever gives me more power, more account money and the ability to say things that don't make sense to dumb Americans. Its that simple and now I can do it with a seven figure book deal. $150,000 in two months for clothes was a spit in the old bucket!!
The silly ethics charges still plague me and recently I failed to respond to one about my legal defense fund. You know, there are some great sales out there and THEY claim I used the money wrongfully. Now, by law, I have to appear to defend myself. Don't they know I am the Governor Emeritus and don't have to do diddly. The Great Dick Cheney is in the same boat, but he sent his daughter out to defend his lawlessness. I can't do that since mine don't know what to defend and frankly, neither do I. Its a tough world for a hockey mom out of work and no pension.
It was all these cowpie bloggers that made me decide to resign, but a new saying went in the book: pulling a Palin. I really haven't quit that much, but perhaps a lot, but in a minor sense. Frankly, I resent calls to see my notarized high school diploma. Just another media trick to humiliate my Family, but it is difficult to recall which high school I quit. I went to four colleges and must have graduated from one. As of this moment, this hockey mom is a private citizen and will campaign for just about anyone if the price is right.
I am for good old American capitalism! Capitalism and not this silly socialism Obama stands for. Socialism is defined as anything that resembles My Space, FaceBook or Twitter without a profit. Twitter carries my message, but not far enough. People, I need a platform, preferably with a seven figure salary, to convey the message of the Republican party, the Alaska Independence Movement, oops, never mind, and other options which grant me stipends, contractual endoments, et. al.
Finally, being Governor of this Great State has been a blast. Doing absolutely nothing for months while lining up deals is one of the greatest enjoyments of life. Working at home, collecting the big per diem bucks, flying the kids on the state dole, spending more time out of state promoting myself rather than assisting with Alaskans home fuel crisis and finally, convincing the Republican big wigs I am a viable candidate for higher office is stressful. Hockey moms know how to handle this and I will always keep an eye on Putin over there who poses a threat to our way of life.
Nuff said....I am out of here, got to see my lawyers, bitch about Tina Fey though she provided good publicity (SNL paid good bucks), handle some ethics problems and make sure my ex-brother-in-law has some more issues. No questions since my hair can't take it. My kids will be along soon and you can ask them. This is Sarah Palin saying you won't have me to kick around any more and neither will I.
The Media sucks...now I have said it. Folks, don't believe anything they say about me, Todd, my Family or money I allegedly took under the table. or contractors who built our house for free. I have mouths to feed, wolves to shoot from helicopters and sponsors willing to pay for my mind...not much, but enough. Remember, American Capitalism is the best in the world and I, Sarah Palin, believe in attaining as much capital as possible. I'm gone, but have to remember what high school I attended....hmmmmmmm.
Wait, one more thing!! There is a rumor out there about Todd and I divorcing. Not true since he owes me too much and my religion forbids it, I think...will have to check with witch doctor. The despicable, uncouth National Enquirer is quoting 4 people as saying I had an affair with my husband's former business partner, Brad Hanson whom Todd divorced shortly thereafter for some reason. They even claim possession of a notarized statement, but whoopy do! I don't even know what an affair is much less engage in one. Would I dare do this after my daughter had a child out of wedlock and then after that scoundrel father of her baby, Levi, went about the country saying we knew he was doing the horizontal tango with her in our own house. Nein, nadda, nix, not so.! We don't even know what goes on in our own house much less someone having sex with our daughter...geeeeesssssshhhh. Okay, no affair, honest, no affair, I was Wasilla Mayor and much too busy building the Bridge to Nowhere, our free, oops, our house, making deals and driving the city into $23 million debt. Out of here again....Bye Alaska...why no response back? Why no cheers? Damn liberals!!!
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