Ladies and gentleman, we are proud to present the Governor of Alaska bordering on Russia and also on Canada, which she can see out of both windows on a cloudy day when Russian planes aren't flying over, Sarah Palin
McPalin: Thank you, everyone, you betcha I can see those things and I want to remind the kindergarten Alaska legislature that they get extra credit for this press conference.
Press: Governor Palin, you have been criticized for your inexperience and overall lack of knowledge particularly in foreign affairs. How do you respond to that.
McPalin: Moose hunting this year was very good and I tracked one into Canada which meant a discussion with Canadian Customs was undertaken. They were nice and I came home rich with bountiful foreign affair experience. Those moose are so cooperative when it comes to diplomacy.PRESS: Governor, you indicated prior that you would cooperate fully with the Alaska Legislature investigating Troopergate, but have let McCain campaign lawyers stonewall the inquiry. What did you decide to do this contrary to your earlier statement?McPalin: Being a hockey mom who fires people who don't sign personal loyalty oaths means wearing a different hat when confronted with situations. Alaska is a energy producing state which I became governor of and dedicated myself to reforming the wasteful type of government that existed. John McCain wants to do the same, but can't find Alaska. He has been lost for several decades, but no one has noticed and I will ride his coattails hopefully to the White house in lieu of climate warming which is only partially manmade, but some. (Wink, wink, nod, nod, elbow to the ribs)Press: Governor, you didn't answer the question at all. Please do so.McPalin: Now, I may not answer the way you want, but will be straight with the Russian people living near Georgia since they can't be seen from Atlanta. This tussle over Troopergate is simply an internal matter which has become partisan due to a few deciding I wasn't hard enough on my ex-brother-in-law, a former trooper. Its a drop in the bucket compared to my taxes.Press: You were hesitant to release your taxes and your assets really don't match your earnings. However, you claimed $15,000 on per diem payments working out of your house and used state money to fly your children on vacations. This doesn't seem to be quite legal according to the Alaska Tax Commissioner and the IRS.McPalin: What have they got to do with it? I am a hockey mom who needs to set rules for my children and the same for the state. I have reformed a good old boy network, cut necessary waste like naughty books in libraries and terminated some who didn't agree with me. Oh, gosh, Harry Potter is so satanic and librarians should expect criticism. My taxes are in order since I deem them so and support our troops in Iraq. My children are precious and I take them with me as much as possible in spite of Alaska forcing me to save money by charging the state.Press: Governor, a lot of what you are saying is disjointed and to be honest, doesn't really make sense. You are sounding like someone who makes rules for themselves and then screams upon getting caught. Your interview answers have been uninformed, problems with taxes and ethics have arisen, and you have difficulty answering the simplest questions. Don't you see that as an impediment to the McCain campaign?McPalin: John McCain is an honest man who only made occasional propaganda broadcasts for the North Vietnamese while a POW to secure more privileges. Wait....oh, I wasn't supposed to say that...oopsie, sorry.....never mind about that....Anyway, he has been a solid friend to MIA/POW activists....what, oh, oopsie, sorry, never mind about that either....I along with John McCain support our Veterans....what, damn ear mike, he voted against Veterans bills 27 times....oopsie, what the hell can I say..okay...Sorry about that....I support John McCain having numerous lobbyists in his campaign since they are so charming and very well informed and approved by Karl Rove.Press: Have you ever answered a question directly?McPalin: I have always wanted to eradicate hunger and poverty and make people happy. That is why I have chosen to participate in this vice-presidential pageant. It is an honor to represent my state....what, oh, oopsie, wrong answer....Yes, I answered directly during my wedding ceremony with an I do and have been happily married for some years with 5 beautiful children...a hockey mom who supported Alaska secession, wearing different hats while frowning upon polar bear rights and urging oil companies to drill, drill, drill even if it means my own teeth.Press: How do you expect to proceed in the Vice-President's position, a heart beat away from the Presidency, if elected, with this type of management style.McPalin: I am opposed to same sex marriage and understand that seagulls are gay. They will be banned from the White House lawn. Also, as Mayor of Wasilla, I undertook extensive reforms to achieve federal earmarks which resulted in a debt of $20 million in a city employing 63 people. I am opposed to earmarks unless the money can be kept like the funds for our wonderful bridge. It is called the Bridge to Nowhere, but to me is the Bridge to Somewhere....just waiting for someone somewhere to finish the wonderful concept I began and supported, but didn't support since I am a NRA hockey mom who wants to be vice-dictator....oopsie...president.
Ladies and gentleman, the Governor will take a final question now.
Press: Governor Palin, what exactly have you achieved towards vice-presidential experience?McPalin: My husband, Todd, entered snowmobile races yearly, but should have perhaps been watching our teenage daughter who is now pregnant. You betcha I talked to him about that. Dick Cheney and Henry Kissinger have advised me, but I really don't know what they said, but will do as they say. The Vice-President's office should be unitary, all by itself, contrary to the Constitution which is just an old document anyway. What do old documents have to do with running a country? It's the same as running a PTA which I haven't done either. Anyway, my executive experience makes me well qualified to achieve more monetary gain as vice-president. I am so excited about a pay raise and all those other ways to get more money quietly Dick told me about.
Thank you for inviting me to this press conference and I hope we have many more to develop understanding in achieving the eradication of hunger, poverty and those pesky Russians flying over Alaska. Oh, and a vote for the McCain/Palin ticket is a vote for something somewhere like my bridge. Over and out, you betcha.
McPalin: Thank you, everyone, you betcha I can see those things and I want to remind the kindergarten Alaska legislature that they get extra credit for this press conference.
Press: Governor Palin, you have been criticized for your inexperience and overall lack of knowledge particularly in foreign affairs. How do you respond to that.
McPalin: Moose hunting this year was very good and I tracked one into Canada which meant a discussion with Canadian Customs was undertaken. They were nice and I came home rich with bountiful foreign affair experience. Those moose are so cooperative when it comes to diplomacy.PRESS: Governor, you indicated prior that you would cooperate fully with the Alaska Legislature investigating Troopergate, but have let McCain campaign lawyers stonewall the inquiry. What did you decide to do this contrary to your earlier statement?McPalin: Being a hockey mom who fires people who don't sign personal loyalty oaths means wearing a different hat when confronted with situations. Alaska is a energy producing state which I became governor of and dedicated myself to reforming the wasteful type of government that existed. John McCain wants to do the same, but can't find Alaska. He has been lost for several decades, but no one has noticed and I will ride his coattails hopefully to the White house in lieu of climate warming which is only partially manmade, but some. (Wink, wink, nod, nod, elbow to the ribs)Press: Governor, you didn't answer the question at all. Please do so.McPalin: Now, I may not answer the way you want, but will be straight with the Russian people living near Georgia since they can't be seen from Atlanta. This tussle over Troopergate is simply an internal matter which has become partisan due to a few deciding I wasn't hard enough on my ex-brother-in-law, a former trooper. Its a drop in the bucket compared to my taxes.Press: You were hesitant to release your taxes and your assets really don't match your earnings. However, you claimed $15,000 on per diem payments working out of your house and used state money to fly your children on vacations. This doesn't seem to be quite legal according to the Alaska Tax Commissioner and the IRS.McPalin: What have they got to do with it? I am a hockey mom who needs to set rules for my children and the same for the state. I have reformed a good old boy network, cut necessary waste like naughty books in libraries and terminated some who didn't agree with me. Oh, gosh, Harry Potter is so satanic and librarians should expect criticism. My taxes are in order since I deem them so and support our troops in Iraq. My children are precious and I take them with me as much as possible in spite of Alaska forcing me to save money by charging the state.Press: Governor, a lot of what you are saying is disjointed and to be honest, doesn't really make sense. You are sounding like someone who makes rules for themselves and then screams upon getting caught. Your interview answers have been uninformed, problems with taxes and ethics have arisen, and you have difficulty answering the simplest questions. Don't you see that as an impediment to the McCain campaign?McPalin: John McCain is an honest man who only made occasional propaganda broadcasts for the North Vietnamese while a POW to secure more privileges. Wait....oh, I wasn't supposed to say that...oopsie, sorry.....never mind about that....Anyway, he has been a solid friend to MIA/POW activists....what, oh, oopsie, sorry, never mind about that either....I along with John McCain support our Veterans....what, damn ear mike, he voted against Veterans bills 27 times....oopsie, what the hell can I say..okay...Sorry about that....I support John McCain having numerous lobbyists in his campaign since they are so charming and very well informed and approved by Karl Rove.Press: Have you ever answered a question directly?McPalin: I have always wanted to eradicate hunger and poverty and make people happy. That is why I have chosen to participate in this vice-presidential pageant. It is an honor to represent my state....what, oh, oopsie, wrong answer....Yes, I answered directly during my wedding ceremony with an I do and have been happily married for some years with 5 beautiful children...a hockey mom who supported Alaska secession, wearing different hats while frowning upon polar bear rights and urging oil companies to drill, drill, drill even if it means my own teeth.Press: How do you expect to proceed in the Vice-President's position, a heart beat away from the Presidency, if elected, with this type of management style.McPalin: I am opposed to same sex marriage and understand that seagulls are gay. They will be banned from the White House lawn. Also, as Mayor of Wasilla, I undertook extensive reforms to achieve federal earmarks which resulted in a debt of $20 million in a city employing 63 people. I am opposed to earmarks unless the money can be kept like the funds for our wonderful bridge. It is called the Bridge to Nowhere, but to me is the Bridge to Somewhere....just waiting for someone somewhere to finish the wonderful concept I began and supported, but didn't support since I am a NRA hockey mom who wants to be vice-dictator....oopsie...president.
Ladies and gentleman, the Governor will take a final question now.
Press: Governor Palin, what exactly have you achieved towards vice-presidential experience?McPalin: My husband, Todd, entered snowmobile races yearly, but should have perhaps been watching our teenage daughter who is now pregnant. You betcha I talked to him about that. Dick Cheney and Henry Kissinger have advised me, but I really don't know what they said, but will do as they say. The Vice-President's office should be unitary, all by itself, contrary to the Constitution which is just an old document anyway. What do old documents have to do with running a country? It's the same as running a PTA which I haven't done either. Anyway, my executive experience makes me well qualified to achieve more monetary gain as vice-president. I am so excited about a pay raise and all those other ways to get more money quietly Dick told me about.
Thank you for inviting me to this press conference and I hope we have many more to develop understanding in achieving the eradication of hunger, poverty and those pesky Russians flying over Alaska. Oh, and a vote for the McCain/Palin ticket is a vote for something somewhere like my bridge. Over and out, you betcha.
1 comment:
Voters who are still undecided are clearly turned off by attempts to demonize either candidate. See the YouTube video below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpsdKUQ1nKA
for one person’s perspective on how you can make a reasoned, thoughtful decision to support Obama AND vote for John McCain.
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