The GWB White House Quiz

The White House held a special news conference today in an effort to fully explain Vice-President Dick Cheney stating his position was not within the Executive Branch. Tony Snow and the VP are walking up to the microphone now:

Snow: Good Morning, journalists.....Jeff, are you here?

VP: Skip the Gannon crap and get on with it.

Snow: The Vice-Presidency is not part of the Executive Branch since primary duty is President of the Senate. The President concurs and naturally, so do we.

Question: If this is indeed fact, then does the White House plan to return the millions of dollars allocated in the budget specifically for the VP position?

VP: We ain't giving nothin' back...all you have to do is believe what is said, you screw! Someday, I'll bust out of this place....yah, on top of the world, Ma!!

Question: Interesting comment, VP Cheney, but Congress controls the purse strings; not you. Does this also mean you will have to move out of the Naval Observatory-you know, the place where you like to stiff the electric bill!!

VP: Funny guy, ehhhhh! Well, go fark yourself with a wet armadillo! Me and my boytoy, Georgie, can pretty much do what we want. Why....because we want to and secondly, this is our house and not yours. Keep that trap of yours in line or else there will be trouble. I swing a mean rod......

Question: How do you plan to just arbitrarily change the Constitution and decades of tradition?

Snow: Easy (snaps his fingers) it's changed. Oh, there may be some sticky wickets, but overall, it will be smooth running. Remember, we is good and you are bad. You, there in the back, wearing the wide brim hat, sunglasses and short as a microbe. Who are you?

Helen Thomas: Its Helen Thomas, yellow snow brain. Simply wanted to find a strategic position to ask questions since you banished me from the front.

Snow: Okay, Helen, ask your question and then go back to school.

Thomas: The war is not going well......

Snow: That's only conjecture subject to interpretation and we say its splendidly orchestrated.

Thomas: Whatever, but this president never seems to place himself in the front lines....only in a defense position to cry havoc.

VP: Get rid of this screwball or else I may have to get another draft deferment..

Snow: Our president, hallowed be thy name, is always on the front lines; always in the fox hole; if fact he sacrifices more with his fantasy dreams than most of you at daily work. He lives, breathes, eats and defecates the Iraq war every single day. In fact, just yesterday, President Bush was remarking how much he needed to relax, perhaps travel back to Georgia (former Soviet state) and visit Atlanta. We were very touched by his words since he seemed to say nothing at all.

VP: Enough of this crap. Press conference is over, the acts are done and all of you are no more than pus eating maggots. Get out of here before I call Gomer Pyle!!!

Thomas: Hey, Dick????? Did you ever get that gift subscription to Lesbian Co-Dependent I sent to you. You could use a makeover.

VP: Yadda, Yadda, Helen.....where's Jeff when I need him??

At Least We Have Paris!

Paris is a beautiful city composed of the Louvre, Montmarte, the Eiffel Tower and so much more. It doesn't have a Bill O'Reilly statue and probably won't since he has had such little impact on the pigeon population.

Paris Hilton could be a beautiful person, but she contracted the silver spoon disease shared by man such as Mr. O'Reilly, George W. Bush, et al. Usual symptoms are irresponsibility, squandering, buck passing, arrogance and lastly, vacuous statement no one really understands (or cares to).

She's a 26 year old woman who crossed the line into adulthood by flaunting the law and fully expecting her wealth affluence to carry her unblemished. Fortunately, Paris was confronted by a judge who took the violations seriously and placed her where the most good could be accomplished-jail.

Naturally, Paris objected to this since her bubble burst and a totally unexpected thrust into adulthood was frightening. Ironically, she also learned another life session-where were her friends? One separates the wheat from the chaff when a traumatic moment strikes, but Paris has experienced arrested development most of her life.

Hang in there, Paris and you still have an opportunity to be a responsible individual who can contribute more that T&A to society. Honest!!
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Speaking of O'Reilly.....let's don't and not stir up the bats. Uhmmmmmmm, wonder how the former producer he sexually harassed is spending her $12 million settlement.
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President in a Bubble vetoed a stem cell bill today. He announced it was a cornerstone act in the war on drugs and marijuana would not be tolerated by terminology nor butts. He handed out simulated bongs instead of pens after signing the legislation.
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The Arizona Attorney General announced he would not prosecute anyone practicing polygamy, but would instead leave it up to the private sector. Independent vigilante groups have already announced they will patrol particular areas where the practice flourishes. Arizona has MinuteMen along the border and now has Marriage Marshals scouring the hinterland. Only in America!!
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The pentagon made another announcement today on the so-called Gay Bomb-just kidding!! They apologized for violating the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Wink policy used to discharge 11,000 GIs already. Give that bomb a dishonorable for telling!!

I gotta go find some Black Jack chewing gum and think about insaneness accepted as normality.

Return Of The Blogger

Out of the night when the full moon is right comes: Me!! Yes, the hiatus is over and its time to plink and plunk all those ideas and people who consider themselves sacred. What you say, we still have the Chosen Ones among us??!! Of course, they can have their cereal and fleece others for the sacred milk to savor.........On with the show:

Tony Snow, White House Snowjobber, declared President In A Bubble (PIB) was in the "front lines" of the war at all times. Uhmmmmmm, seems to me he avoided Vietnam, became lost for 18 months while in the National Guard and hauled ass to save ass on 9/11. Wait!!!! Its coming to me...George was actually in offensive withdrawal and not retreat.....he was always there, but wasn't noticed by his absence. Perfectly understandable....Give me a Valium!!

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton is seeking a pardon from the Street Crossing Guard working outside of the LA County Jail. She has promised to respect authority by starting out at the lowest level for absolution, but apparently hasn't recognized the White House yet. "It's not right, Mommie"

The President of Vietnam is visiting DC soon and PIB is excited. He has ordered all the kimchee to be found for a special state dinner. Forgive us, Mr. Vietnam President, for he knows not what he does and less of what he will do.

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor several administration officials and Congress members will be indicted for corruption in the near future. In the meantime, Congress is contemplating a prison reform bill offering luxury condos for former officials if the need arises.

Major chocolate manufacturers are pestering the government to let them produce all those products we have come to love without chocolate. Yes, this is absolutely true!! Manufacturers claim they can use all those ungodly synthetic materials to create chocolate, but want the feds to allow them to still advertise the product as chocolate. Isn't that kind of like Dick Cheney proclaiming to be honest?

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan continues.

On a lighter note, Richard Nixon, former resignee president of the United States, is still dead and was not sighted in the White House as an apparition opening/closing safes. That interloper was identified as Howard Hunt, Watergate instigator and also dead.

On a final note, former Speaker of the House, Tom DeLay, denies he will take over the Late Jerry Falwell's numerous positions. DeLay is happily awaiting the opportunity to serve with Paris Hilton or Scooter Libby or Bubba.