A scholarly bibliophile aptly describes my existence for the past few decades. This author's mind, however, keeps reverting back to my military years as time and experience create wisdom. They were, citing Charles Dickens, "the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way." The Vietnam War was consuming this nation and its soul as well. Pain, agony, frustration and confusion permeated those fighting in Vietnam, but was aptly superseded by survival. Nobody wanted to die, but death was all around us. As Seymour Hirsch, eminent scholar and journalist notes: "they (the government) were operating in a democracy, guided by a Constitution and among a citizenry who held their leaders to a reasonable standard of morality and integrity." Yet, the government, as the Pentagon Papers later revealed, had been deceiving constituents for years.
Richard Nixon had, as a private citizen, dispatched Anna Chennault to South Vietnam in 1968 to inform President Thieu if he would disrupt the Paris Peace Talks a better deal from future President Nixon would be offered. These actions can be described as treason since private citizens are not allowed to conduct foreign policy, but Nixon had been this way his whole life. Meanwhile, people were dying in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. Nixon, of course, was elected promising a secret plan to end the conflict, but in reality desperately wanted to win the war. 21,000 more Americans would lose their lives in Vietnam and even more Vietnamese, Cambodians and Laotians. As the eminent folk singer, Pete Seeger, sung, "I was knee deep in the Big Muddy" myself. Everyone knew the war was lost, but survival was the key phrase. GIs, for the most part, did their jobs; some refused; some drugged it out, but everyone wanted to get home. Little did we realize Nixon was beginning the war back in the world. When I was home, I wanted to be back in Nam; while in Nam, I wanted to be home. The USA had changed and no one wanted to believe returning Veterans' about the war.
The Veterans Administration didn't know how to deal with our heads and gave psychotropic drugs out like candy. The military diagnosed many with "personality disorders" to deprive them of deserved compensation and thousands committed suicide to stop the pain. Vietnam Vets marched on the White House to toss medals on the lawn and Nixon retaliated by denying any treatment for what was later called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. His desire was to organize VietVets into a organization supporting his foreign policy, but public demonstrations by the returnees caused an irrational Nixon to deny any validity for known specific war problems. Many simply dropped out; headed to the mountains, deserts, and foreign countries to somehow find peace...they became known as "tripwire Vets" and avoided as much social contact as possible. Others sought to lead a "normal" life, but found marriages and jobs in trouble due to their war experiences. Three out four marriages failed and jobs came and went in an endless cycle. No one seemed to care least of all the Veterans Administration. The VA sunk into a bureaucratic nightmare demoralizing those employees who cared and driving Vets away. Politicians were appointed to VA leadership positions and made inane statements which, unfortunately, were supported by the traditional veterans organizations. Many Vietnam Vets knew the rules in Nam, but were confused by this bureaucratic war at home. Many dedicated VietVets persevered, obtained their degrees and attempted to affect change, but the cards were stacked against them. Nixon wanted to win the war, not spend millions to help those "bums," as he called us, with their specific problems. Thus the Vietnam Veteran who gave everything in a war few understood and the government knew was unwinnable tried to survive at home in an atmosphere of moral confusion, nightmares, open discrimination and stereotyped as a "time bomb."
I married, wanted to lead a "normal" life, divorced, went to Idaho, lived in the mountains, returned to Boise later, and held it together long enough to get my degree. VietVets gravitated towards each other and our own support groups were created to survive. Ironically, the FBI kept an eye on us since J. Edgar Hoover believed we were "communists" for surviving. There was a feeling among us dying in Vietnam and being regarded as a "hero" was preferable to being home. The domestic conflict was that bad, but somehow our little group managed to look out for each other long enough for all to survive.
More later.....
Richard Nixon had, as a private citizen, dispatched Anna Chennault to South Vietnam in 1968 to inform President Thieu if he would disrupt the Paris Peace Talks a better deal from future President Nixon would be offered. These actions can be described as treason since private citizens are not allowed to conduct foreign policy, but Nixon had been this way his whole life. Meanwhile, people were dying in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. Nixon, of course, was elected promising a secret plan to end the conflict, but in reality desperately wanted to win the war. 21,000 more Americans would lose their lives in Vietnam and even more Vietnamese, Cambodians and Laotians. As the eminent folk singer, Pete Seeger, sung, "I was knee deep in the Big Muddy" myself. Everyone knew the war was lost, but survival was the key phrase. GIs, for the most part, did their jobs; some refused; some drugged it out, but everyone wanted to get home. Little did we realize Nixon was beginning the war back in the world. When I was home, I wanted to be back in Nam; while in Nam, I wanted to be home. The USA had changed and no one wanted to believe returning Veterans' about the war.
The Veterans Administration didn't know how to deal with our heads and gave psychotropic drugs out like candy. The military diagnosed many with "personality disorders" to deprive them of deserved compensation and thousands committed suicide to stop the pain. Vietnam Vets marched on the White House to toss medals on the lawn and Nixon retaliated by denying any treatment for what was later called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. His desire was to organize VietVets into a organization supporting his foreign policy, but public demonstrations by the returnees caused an irrational Nixon to deny any validity for known specific war problems. Many simply dropped out; headed to the mountains, deserts, and foreign countries to somehow find peace...they became known as "tripwire Vets" and avoided as much social contact as possible. Others sought to lead a "normal" life, but found marriages and jobs in trouble due to their war experiences. Three out four marriages failed and jobs came and went in an endless cycle. No one seemed to care least of all the Veterans Administration. The VA sunk into a bureaucratic nightmare demoralizing those employees who cared and driving Vets away. Politicians were appointed to VA leadership positions and made inane statements which, unfortunately, were supported by the traditional veterans organizations. Many Vietnam Vets knew the rules in Nam, but were confused by this bureaucratic war at home. Many dedicated VietVets persevered, obtained their degrees and attempted to affect change, but the cards were stacked against them. Nixon wanted to win the war, not spend millions to help those "bums," as he called us, with their specific problems. Thus the Vietnam Veteran who gave everything in a war few understood and the government knew was unwinnable tried to survive at home in an atmosphere of moral confusion, nightmares, open discrimination and stereotyped as a "time bomb."
I married, wanted to lead a "normal" life, divorced, went to Idaho, lived in the mountains, returned to Boise later, and held it together long enough to get my degree. VietVets gravitated towards each other and our own support groups were created to survive. Ironically, the FBI kept an eye on us since J. Edgar Hoover believed we were "communists" for surviving. There was a feeling among us dying in Vietnam and being regarded as a "hero" was preferable to being home. The domestic conflict was that bad, but somehow our little group managed to look out for each other long enough for all to survive.
More later.....
